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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Laughing as a timepeicedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 364
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1494



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLaughing as a timepeicedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Young and carefree
    and yet so forgetful of the times.
    My friend was the sand,
    and my mentor was the sky.

    Tools of the unity,
    are left long lost in the sand.
    Alone i was, and forever thoughts glided.
    I would sit by the dock, legs dangling off,
    The side of the world, how i hoped it enough.

    Unforgiving in nature, and eyes glazed with pride
    even my own friends, of the trees,
    and of the pine...
    could not protect me from the harsh winds of my world, and powers i possesed.
    I'll come to reality, and souls of the past,
    will forever stir and shout in unrest.
    Man of humanity, took form from the fire
    inside of which I, could no longer desire.
    I would much rather be wandering, but never so lost.
    I would much rather be gathering, much of my own ancient thoughts.
    I jump down from this old tree branch,
    and my knees are scuffed
    and I just wished that i could hide,
    Seek the love I touched.

    I could lay on my back, and watch the sunrise and rewind.. i could dream of great things
    Reminded, and rewound
    We drink ourselves healthy, and let laughs track the time.
    Harmony and sound, prove mindful at times
    and your voice so soft, takes me back age
    My old street, and old field... my own castles no doubt, will be where ill return,
    When my own turn, has come up.




    Submitted on 2004-11-26 18:07:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Have you ever seen that (I believe it's Twilight Zone?) where the people in the old folks' home turn into children again because they were laughing and playing? It was a favorite episode of mine (your works tend to bring back my fond memories) that reminds us that laughter keeps us young.
    Wouldn't it be nice if a happy childhood was our own private Heaven?
    You have an incredible mind. I don't know how many times I can say things like that before you get sick of it. But I just can't help it. It's your fault.
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, for a long time, I was trying to figure this out, but I reread it a bunch of times and I really like it! This is hands down the best poem that i have read on here! I am so tired to reading angst poetry and come to think of it just plain bad poetry on this site! (not saying mine's good or anything) but seriously, yo8u did an awesome job and I don't even ususally enjoy free verse.

    I know I already commmented on this once, but I thought I'd do it more justice this time around..
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      the imagery is gorgeous in this write...
    i kinda got the feel that you were on your own... reminiscing... remembering a time when you had another... you talk of your favourite haunts... special places... those kinda places you only take that special someone... this kinda makes me think of that...
    but then it might not be a someone... it might be memories... maybe you are meeting there with the memories...
    earlier this year i had to say good bye to the place where i have all my greatest ever memories of my childhood... where i laughed and had fun and everything was good... and i retraced all my wee spots... those places that no one knew about and i kinda got the feeling like that in this poem...
    i really liked the image about sitting with legs dangmed over the dock/edge of the world... that was a gorgeous image.
    so yeah... im prolly way off base with this comment... prolly not seeing what you want me to see but yeah... this is what i come with tonight but you have an amazing power with words... i really like the way you express yourself and im sure i could read this poem again and again and each time i would get something else from it... thank you for the read.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      If its any one who yerns to be alone, its me. for petes sake I have 4 sisters and one brother. 3 nepews, and I cant seem to be alone.
    But I like this poem becasue you ave a sense of if you were alone you wouldgot camping. or at least thats wha I thought. I guess I would go camping to, but I'd bring a gun, in case of bears.
    I have no clue why I just told you that but what ever.
    I liked thats all the matters I guess.
    Keep it up.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      precious, precious, precious poem
    i wonder, what are these powers you possess? perhaps elaborate on why protection is needed from these powers
    there's a comma splice in the eighth line of the third stanza, a pause there is natural and needs no reminder
    "and i just wished that i could hide
    and be forever loved."-i'm missing the connection between hiding and loving, yes mystery can be attractive but loving a hidden being is difficult and doubtfully truthful. isn't it strange how we want to be loved but sometimes forget the pleasure of loving? I personally cannot decide for myself which is better, namely from a lack of experience with both loving and being loved, but still i often ponder this.
    i don't think you need the comma in the last line either.
    glowing images-fresh thoughts in this one. rewinding is a magnificent idea.
    the end of the second stanza makes the narrator sound like an adventurer, the world is not enough, but as the thoughts unravel the need to hide is brought up-i can see if the narrator is bipolar it would make sense, but i'm not sure if it was your intent. either way, laughing as a time piece makes my time increments fluctuate like no other-i enjoyed the image.
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by osweetrepose | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this sounds almost like song lyrics. Are they? If not, you should try to get them to music. Way cool! I like the imagery!
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]



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