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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memories Remaindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Desi
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 210/151/34
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1117
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemories Remaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hearts broken, forever in pain,
    nothing remains, but memories of a love
    we can never regain.

    Where butterflies once fluttered.
    now empty it will never be the same.

    Who is to blame?

    We knew it could never be, but yet we were
    drawn to one another, you and me.

    I'm not free to be what you wanted me to be.
    Though I tried, and I loved you so,
    I had to let you go.

    To fly in the sky with the other butterflies. while
    I still cry for a love lost, a love that withered and died.




    Submitted on 2004-11-27 05:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "To fly in the sky with the other butterflies. while
    I still cry for a love lost, a love that withered and died."you are true dear Patricia, the betrayer flies away with others of the same feather in search of another to repeat the game of betrayal. But a woman lives in the memories of the days spent in love crying silently within for the lost love. Woman forgives her lover for all acts of deceit and ill treatment and in the name of love suffers thereby in the quagmire of betrayal! your poems are thought provoking .
    Memories Remain
    -------------------------------------------

    "Hearts broken, forever in pain,
    nothing remains, but memories of a love
    we can never regain 'yes. the torture of the memories is so fatal and takes away the essence of sweet belief about love in life and makes one a living corpse! Men must ponder over this and behave and make love remain in human life as a testimonial of human supremacy over other creatures and animals.Thank dear Patrcia for sharing your ideas. take care dear



    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by ceegeeess | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautifully sad poem. I love the reference to the butterflies that you have used here. I think it really fits this piece well. I can relate to these words and such familiarity to my own past experience. It certainly is true that you can love someone so much and want to be with them so bad but no matter how hard you try it never seems to work. It is a very painful experience in life and one that never makes any sense. I like how you question this in this poem. As I read this I just said wow, I know exactly how this feels. It is sincere and honest. And if someone cannot except you or you cannot except them for who they are then it cant work. Nobody can change someone to be the person they wish them to be. I spent a long time trying to be positive saying "if you could only be this or that or change this or that" and it only led to more arguing. Very nicely written poem. I really like this one! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there, thought I'd check some of your older posts.
    I have no problem with this, I thought your rhyming was very good, I love rhyming (in fact I have a problem with NOT rhyming) it's horses for courses, I suppose.
    You told a tragic little story here, and I'm intrigued, you "knew it could never be"...is this a clandestine love affair, perhaps?

    Anyway, I don't want to read too much into it, I really liked it.
    Well done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely love piece. talking and comparing with butterflies made this poem live for me and reminded me of past love. it (love) is a great and terrible thing; you can't live with it, and you die without it.
    this is a wonderful piece and it would be good rhyming but the way rhymes does now kind of throws me off a bit.
    other than that you did an excellent job
    -keep writing
    -wildchild
    | Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the concept and metaphor in this poem, though the meter and rhyming scheme seems a bit irregular. Otherwise it's pretty good and manages to carry the sense of loss and regret across to the reader very well.

    If I could be so bold as to suggest a couple of changes, perhaps the following slight modification to the last part of your poem might help to tighten it up a bit?

    I'm not free to be what you wanted me to be.
    Though I tried, and I loved you so,
    I had to let you go

    To fly in the sky

    with the other butterflies. But I still cried
    for a love lost, a love that withered and died.

    [ Besides changing the 1st line of the last stanza , I removed the period at the end of 'go' in the previous stanza so that the sentence continues with 'to fly in the sky' which is what I believe you intended. ]

    On a side note, y'know, I don't get what some of the commentors below have said about it being a bit too "rhymey" (is that even a word? I don't think so.) If anything is meant to have rhyme, it's poetry. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but complaining about a poem having too much rhyme is like complaining that the morning sky is too blue. *shakes head*
    While non-rhyming poetry (prose etc) may be more popular (trendy?) these days, that doesn't make rhyming poetry any less valid in my opinion. Just my 2 cents on that. Thanks for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting piece. A sad story to say the least. The poem borders on being a bit too rhymey. It is a fine line though between catcht and just a little too catchy so although you were walking it you might have pulled it off. Its a tough call.

    Also a little typo in there

    "I not free to be what you wanted me to be."

    did you mean " I'm " right there?


    I guess thats about it. other than sorry it didn't work out. I know the feeling.

    thanks for sharing this.

    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      a lot of love pieces today.

    if love doesn't give itself to you... it tends to leave residuals. and, we tend to hold on to them even more.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with mister fizzle. It was a bit rhymy but other than that it was a great piece. Also I caught the misspelled "I" in there. Great piece
    Megan
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by punkchick88 | [ Reply to This ]


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