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    dots Submission Name: Cheap Thrilldots

    Author: closebutremote
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 54/77/16
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1084
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757

       This was not a poem out of personal expierience. Just something that I thought about when you explore how you'd feel in a certain situation, and put into writing.
    I removed the last line that was in the parenthasese because some people were offended. However I hope that people would be a little more open-minded about the writer sometimes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCheap Thrilldots

    You come into my life,
    You bring me joy,
    All I wanted was a kiss,
    But you gave me more,
    It was sweet and utter bliss,
    The touch of your hands
    all over my body,
    My mind raging
    out of control,
    It's my heart I gave up,
    I'm the one that you stole,
    Now that you have me,
    It's no longer like new,
    You tell me your meeting a friend,
    You want to see what's out there,
    But you'll see,
    There's only so few,
    I am the one that you need,
    But it's you who can't get your fill,
    Your constant need for more,
    It was the anguish,
    This was all just a cheap thrill.

    Submitted on 2004-11-27 14:49:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      for something you never experienced, you did a decent job capturing the feeling. Always remeber that cheap thrills can be fun too. eww, unless you are way young and I am corrupting the innocent oh well, You get what I am saying. Try rhyming with a scheme, I know that It is a pretty foriegn concept in poetry, (joke) just kidding. that wasn't funny, umm try it I am serious, I think that some of the words you could come up with for this one will be pretty surprising. I think that it would be more aesthetically pleasing to have a structure with syllables and a meter. I do adore that line, " but you'll see" just because it fits in so perfectly and kind of taunts the other party. good write!
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah lust. From not writing it from personal experience you did an awesome job. I'm like that too sometimes an idea for a poem will come and I'l just write what it would feel like to be in another person's shoes, view the situation from their perspective
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]

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