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Can You See

Author: arkay
ASL Info:    50+/m/Atl.Can
Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 450 /320 /56
Words: 78
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1095
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 555


Watched the show last night, while I was watching the UFO'S ;)

Can You See

Can you see the music

dancing in the sky?

Shimmering off silver stars,

a symphony to imply

of marvels in the night.

The many twinkles to defy

the booming of the moon.

No crescendo to come nigh,

forever mellow is this tune

almost seeming to be shy.

This extravaganza never over,

only intervals to apply

fresh darkness to the set.

And share another sigh.

Submitted on 2004-11-28 11:57:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  How fortunate you are to see the music all around us. Some would only curse the darkness. But then some is not all. Bravo!
| Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your style, how you separated every line like that. I think that people often miss the song that is played out in the sky, whether it be the stars or the birds, because they are too wrapped up in their own lives. Awesome job dude
| Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there. I love poetry that in some way relates to the sky and stars and the like. I love the sky. It's probably my favorite topic to write on or include in my work.

This piece is good, the only thing that I would reccommend would be to double check the rhyme scheme. It's a little bit hard to read through, some of it seems a little bit off. But otherwise this poem is great. Much love to ya.
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
  I too think that you have great imagery and for me the first four lines were the best because they had a rhyme scheme I could comprehend. Not that the words were completely understandable, quite the opposite in that field actually, you make your points very clearly, but as the poem goes on, your rhyming seems to get a bit random and the flow suffers as a consequence. Maybe patch that up a bit. Then I will have nothing to complain about.
Great write!
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  love the imagery it's awesome in the poem... but the flow is a bit lacking... work on that a bit, and the rhyme... other than that this piece is good...

nice write... keep it up!
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by xSweetestThingx | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome imagery, and i love the rhyme scheme. You carried the same rhyme through the entire poem and used very original words instead of the overused ones. Very good poem.
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Luckyduck | [ Reply to This ]

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