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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: unfoldingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    21/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 561/361/63
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 327
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 428



    Description:
       written last night, minutes after talking to my boyfriend, minutes before my computer battery died and I fell asleep.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsunfoldingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the beauty
    of a soul blossoming,
    opening it’s face
    to the light and warmth,
    for all the world to see.

    the comfort and security
    I feel in your arms.
    for a few moments,
    I feel like a meaningful piece
    in this puzzle.

    hold me longer, my dear.
    hold me strong,
    hold me near.
    don’t let me wander;
    don’t let me go.




    Submitted on 2004-11-28 13:03:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ohh! I love all the poems about love and passion right now. I think its cause Im falling. I can FINALLY RELATE to them! I love this, especially the last stanza
    hold me longer, my dear.
    hold me strong,
    hold me near.
    don’t let me wander;
    don’t let me go.
    It seems as though you cant live without him.
    Lovely job.
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      you did a good job writing this, because you were short and to the point, and I stil got the feeling that you were feeling. well done. the second stanza is not as good as the rest of the poem. It's a tad akward. anyhoo, this is a good poem. well done!

    In His service,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked the whole thing but i liked the first two lines and ur last stanza also! those lines just kept the whole thing flowing and made me want to read more! . good job!
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my you have a beauty here my dear...
    I really like this one...yep
    A Gem!
    After the last one I thought maybe you two were on outs...this is good to see...makes me happy for you ;)

    This rocks and rolls right out of the park... nothing to complain about...like I would anyway.


    Thanks for those comments on mine too by the way...some days I feel like deleting it all...but then the sentimental side of me comes in and says no flippen way :P

    Thanks for this bight spot to my day...love love and longing...always a plus for my heart and eyes...

    Kelly
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful! A very personal poem, written with someone special in mind. You may not want to change anything about it, but if so inclined, I suggest that "blossoming" be changed to "in blossom", and "my dear" is not needed. A soul opening up like a flower that has been nurtured by someone's love is a terrific idea. I loved it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sweet. I like the idea of contrasting the opening of a soul with bein enclosed in his arms. I wasn't that keen on the ending, but it's a random thought and not a poem. Overall, I liked it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Its almost as if you seek love but almost dread time because you know that all love isnt true love. so in away you try to derail the inevitable by saying hold me closer and tighter. Sad and beautiful at the same time I really like this piece alot very hard to forget
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by Medieval Aztec | [ Reply to This ]



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