=0 ... ... He's dead, isn't he? Very witty. Good thoughts with good character, just rolling on through the chambers, no hesitation. The last click wasn't capitalized 'CLICK' In the third stanza would it be
Never was A gambling [man]?
I think 'bodies' should be 'body's' in the fourth stanza. That's all I found. A bang up job here (ha ha ) and a frightening seen. Nice piece.
ohh, I liked this poem a lot. Your style was brilliat and the meaning behind the poem or concept if you will, is almost genius. Although Im not quite sure if you wanted to implement a ryhming scheme, I say this because at times, it doesn't rhyme at all, whereas other times it does. It kind of throws the reader of a bit, but once you read it again, its all made up for and more. Great imagery and articulation of thought, a fav of mine. Thanks for sharing, keep writing, and take care. I look foward to more of your write. keep it comming
This is intense and full of the not now so f*ck off feeling...very good job! Must say it's a shocker, but helll I like it... Tell that fealing where to go and seriously you'll find all you're lookin' for...there's no way some one like you wouldn't.
The 'CLICK' was perfect...made me feel like the gun was in my hand...felt like throwing it back...yep...this one is very GGGRRRRR and well flippen done!
Ever wanna chat...you know where to find me eh... Kelly
WOW! Oh My God i've found a wonderful poem! I have to ask... would you mind, my friend, if i turned this into a song!? it fit so well, i mean... i didn't read this poem as much as i sang it to the guitar in my head. It's... amazing! wonderful! what else can i say... umm... BRAVO! my friend thank you for sharin it with us, take care and i hope to hear from you as well... Adios! Travis
Well, this was interesting. I have to say this was powerful. Ok, he shot Mr. D. Pression? I'm tired and dull now, sorry. I thought the sound effects (onomatopoeia) worked well. I'd like to kill my depression, but he wants to be Little Johnny Live-a-lot. I've defeated him before, but he comes back. I still enjoy my life though. He'sa not winning.
grrr... this poem made me sooo angry as i was reading it...not in a way that is bad though...like i completely understood the feeling. the lines
Living in the twilight Thanks to demented Religious beliefs
those ones shouted in my brain as i read them...with passion, and anger and madness...trying to escape depression...is...something i have yet to conquer. but i still adore it...
Iíll see another sun rise a new loverís bed...
i really like those lines too, the way they tie to the end about getting strength, hope back and then...its over. right when you think you've got it licked...there it is again. this poem is amazing, John. keep up the work, you have the anciet light in you...i can tell even in NY you are really living in the lit-up perpetual summers and falls or Lothlorien...peace be with you! april