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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Russian Roullette with a twistdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 957



    Description:
       Yeah I've been in a foul state of mind, but the demons wont win. I've known depression and it can be beaten, it will be defeated. Im stronger then the demons.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRussian Roullette with a twistdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You gave me this gun
    Does anyone need six bullets?
    Never was a gambling man

    CLICK

    So I guess itís onto another day
    Iíll keep this empty gun
    Held close to dried veins

    CLICK

    Never was
    A gambling...
    or perfect...
    always been
    just a man

    CLICK

    This body's been broken
    Virginity and innocence
    A fleeting memory

    CLICK

    Living in the twilight
    Thanks to demented
    Religious beliefs

    CLICK

    Never was
    the model son
    or Don Juan
    always been
    partially damaged

    CLICK

    Iíll see another sun rise
    a new loverís bed
    strength returning to my arms
    So Mr. D. Pression
    Keep your damn bullets

    BANG




    Submitted on 2004-11-28 13:51:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      =0
    ...
    ...
    He's dead, isn't he?
    Very witty. Good thoughts with good character, just rolling on through the chambers, no hesitation.
    The last click wasn't capitalized 'CLICK'
    In the third stanza would it be

    Never was
    A gambling [man]?

    I think 'bodies' should be 'body's' in the fourth stanza.
    That's all I found. A bang up job here (ha ha ) and a frightening seen.
    Nice piece.
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]
      ohh, I liked this poem a lot. Your style was brilliat and the meaning behind the poem or concept if you will, is almost genius. Although Im not quite sure if you wanted to implement a ryhming scheme, I say this because at times, it doesn't rhyme at all, whereas other times it does. It kind of throws the reader of a bit, but once you read it again, its all made up for and more. Great imagery and articulation of thought, a fav of mine. Thanks for sharing, keep writing, and take care. I look foward to more of your write. keep it comming
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by matt73 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work iliked the style of it. I read it agian and put myself into the shoes of the man with the gun and it felt powerful to me. great job!
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh John...wow...in fact...HOLY FLIPPEN HANNA

    This is intense and full of the not now so f*ck off feeling...very good job!
    Must say it's a shocker, but helll I like it...
    Tell that fealing where to go and seriously you'll find all you're lookin' for...there's no way some one like you wouldn't.

    The 'CLICK' was perfect...made me feel like the gun was in my hand...felt like throwing it back...yep...this one is very GGGRRRRR
    and well flippen done!

    Ever wanna chat...you know where to find me eh...
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Oh My God i've found a wonderful poem! I have to ask... would you mind, my friend, if i turned this into a song!? it fit so well, i mean... i didn't read this poem as much as i sang it to the guitar in my head. It's... amazing! wonderful! what else can i say... umm... BRAVO! my friend thank you for sharin it with us, take care and i hope to hear from you as well... Adios! Travis
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this was interesting. I have to say this was powerful. Ok, he shot Mr. D. Pression? I'm tired and dull now, sorry. I thought the sound effects (onomatopoeia) worked well. I'd like to kill my depression, but he wants to be Little Johnny Live-a-lot. I've defeated him before, but he comes back. I still enjoy my life though. He'sa not winning.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      grrr... this poem made me sooo angry as i was reading it...not in a way that is bad though...like i completely understood the feeling. the lines

    Living in the twilight
    Thanks to demented
    Religious beliefs

    those ones shouted in my brain as i read them...with passion, and anger and madness...trying to escape depression...is...something i have yet to conquer. but i still adore it...

    Iíll see another sun rise
    a new loverís bed...

    i really like those lines too, the way they tie to the end about getting strength, hope back and then...its over. right when you think you've got it licked...there it is again. this poem is amazing, John. keep up the work, you have the anciet light in you...i can tell even in NY you are really living in the lit-up perpetual summers and falls or Lothlorien...peace be with you!
    april
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]


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