Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Daddy [2]

Author: Kalidoscopeeyes
ASL Info:    18/f
Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 122 /151 /29
Words: 53
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1151
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 410


This really doesn't have a title...

Daddy [2]

I can't remember
The last time
He was sober,
The last time
I felt safe.
his smell,
his slur,
even the thought of him,
repulses me.
It's revolting.
like a cancer,
he's infecting my lungs
(casually, with a cigarette
stuck to his lower lip),
Invading my words...

Submitted on 2004-11-28 15:07:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  my dad is a drunk and a chain smoker. had i not known this was about yours i would have thought it a piece that i had writen about mine. i hate him. loath him. and even manage to still love him. every time he is in the damn hospital for this that or the other i am always the first person to wanna go see him. damnit. the piece is good though. PS
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Printer Shock | [ Reply to This ]
  this is truly a sad piece of writing... i grew up with an alcoholic mother, but she was nowhere near this bad. alcoholism is so pervasive and affects so many people and families. perhaps he'll get help some day.

the last line, though, didn't really fit. perhaps it should be "Invading my world..."?
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  good piece of writing. I love the image of himinfecting you casually. My girlfriend's(juliets_dagger's) father is the same way, and we both hate him. I'm sorry for the crap that you have to go through...keep going, you will overcome.

In His service,
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ] to comment on something that hit close to home for me.? Well I will say this you got the image of what it's like to be the child of a drunk.
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  oh my...painful and yes, gets the word across simply. very neat little write that expresses the mess of being a child of a just, wow
~!~luvs, catie
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, my dad is a drunk too, but he's a jerk sober. I'm sorry you feel this way though. Maybe things will get better. I got a teeny bit closer to my dad when he thought he had cancer. He cried instead of making me cry. I liked the bit about the cigarette; it was ironic. I don't think I'd end it with an ellipsis, but that's your call.
| Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?