Fake Diamond Ring by Leila

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Submission Name: Fake Diamond Ring dots

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Author:	Leila
ASL Info:	19/female/South Africa
Elite Ratio:	4.23 - 98/85/18
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	386
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	616

Description:
This poem isn't written from personal experience, but domestic violence cna affect anyone, even if it's a neighbour or friend. Anyone, even women, who raise a hand to their partner, should rot in hell.

Fake Diamond Ring dots

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The ring hits the floor,
then a slam of the door.

Don't bother to look again.
She's angry this time,
she won't be back 'till ten.

Probably in some fancy car,
better hope he doesn't get far.

Maybe she'll never come back.
She was a feisty one,
she was bound to crack.

Shouldn't have called her a 2-buck whore,
for nothing, then beat her to the floor.

Hey, at least it made you feel great.
Give this fake-diamond ring
to some other girl you hate.

Submitted on 2004-11-28 17:39:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  wow, powerful yes minimal. i liked the rhyming scheme in this also. made it easier to remeber and the way you used the title to capture the reader's attention and then making the poem into a serious issue, very good. my only advice is maybe put in more pain on how he treated her. other than that, its a powerful poem
~!~catie
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, strong poem, full of emotions! i thought it was written really well! great job!

Give this fake-diamond ring
to some other girl you hate.

that was my fave part, so much meaning in so lil words rite there...great job

~DancingGirl~
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by DancingGirl | [ Reply to This ]
  I have been there you have a good point in your poem get out when you can don't wait
and don't come back keep writing and keep up the good work
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Shouldn't have called her a 2-buck whore,
for nothing, then beat her to the floor.

Hey, at least it made you feel great.
Give this fake-diamond ring
to some other girl you hate.

I like the end...it's very realistic. The whole poem is cool. Domestic violence is a very big issue. I've seen it happen, and you used very simple words to express a very complicated problem. Very well done, I really like it. U have really thought of this issue. I hope nothing like that will ever happen to you, or anybody for that matter.
It's a powerful poem. You are good at picking up the details that ppl don't always pay attention to. Well done!
Olianna
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Olianna | [ Reply to This ]

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