#17 by brain

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Submission Name: #17 dots

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Author:	brain
ASL Info:	28/m/Miami FL
Elite Ratio:	3.45 - 27/37/12
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	746
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	639

Description:

#17

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As all I ever wanted to do was see
you in my life,
I will still be receptive when I only hear
your next message to me.

The waves that bring your images clear
to my intellect,
are appreciated dearly and they reflect
your love trancending the years.

Timeless snake of the modern ages,
I will listen close,
when you, atlast, reveal the passages
spoken aloud, that will make me bold.

Please bring the keys of knowledge here,
and evoke the untold truth.
I pray you let it ring throughout
the kingdom of the vampire.

Submitted on 2004-11-28 21:29:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
A very interesting and perceptive write. You gave the readers a lot to process and to think about. In the first stanza, the ryhme is not present, put in the following stanzas it is. Im not to sure about that, and If I were you, I'd try to make it so the flow of the poem is more smoother and clear, maybe all you have to do is change a couple of words its up to you, and thats only my suggestion. Anyways, thank you for sharing this write,, I enjoyed it. I look foward to reading more of your work and hope you take a look see at mine. Thanks againg and keep writing.
Matt
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by matt73 | [ Reply to This ]
baby i was almost there and then there was the vampire and now im like huh...?
the evoking untold truth is cool though... i like that a lot...
this seems to be a totally different groove from your other stuff when i know you being someone else but yeah... thats cool...
at first i think i thought you were talking about a someone... like a girl... you know coz like the first stanza says all you wanted was ... in your life but now im not so convinced... that its a girl your talking about... more like knowledge or truth or something abstract like that... but can you attempt to tell me how the vampireness fits in...? thats got me completely stumped! haha!
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.