[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: #17dots

    Author: brain
    ASL Info:    28/m/Miami FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 27/37/12
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 779
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 639


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    As all I ever wanted to do was see
    you in my life,
    I will still be receptive when I only hear
    your next message to me.

    The waves that bring your images clear
    to my intellect,
    are appreciated dearly and they reflect
    your love trancending the years.

    Timeless snake of the modern ages,
    I will listen close,
    when you, atlast, reveal the passages
    spoken aloud, that will make me bold.

    Please bring the keys of knowledge here,
    and evoke the untold truth.
    I pray you let it ring throughout
    the kingdom of the vampire.

    Submitted on 2004-11-28 21:29:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A very interesting and perceptive write. You gave the readers a lot to process and to think about. In the first stanza, the ryhme is not present, put in the following stanzas it is. Im not to sure about that, and If I were you, I'd try to make it so the flow of the poem is more smoother and clear, maybe all you have to do is change a couple of words its up to you, and thats only my suggestion. Anyways, thank you for sharing this write,, I enjoyed it. I look foward to reading more of your work and hope you take a look see at mine. Thanks againg and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by matt73 | [ Reply to This ]
      baby i was almost there and then there was the vampire and now im like huh...?
    the evoking untold truth is cool though... i like that a lot...
    this seems to be a totally different groove from your other stuff when i know you being someone else but yeah... thats cool...
    at first i think i thought you were talking about a someone... like a girl... you know coz like the first stanza says all you wanted was ... in your life but now im not so convinced... that its a girl your talking about... more like knowledge or truth or something abstract like that... but can you attempt to tell me how the vampireness fits in...? thats got me completely stumped! haha!
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]