#17 by brain

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: #17 dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	brain
ASL Info:	28/m/Miami FL
Elite Ratio:	3.45 - 27/37/12
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	805
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	639

Description:

#17

-------------------------------------------

As all I ever wanted to do was see
you in my life,
I will still be receptive when I only hear
your next message to me.

The waves that bring your images clear
to my intellect,
are appreciated dearly and they reflect
your love trancending the years.

Timeless snake of the modern ages,
I will listen close,
when you, atlast, reveal the passages
spoken aloud, that will make me bold.

Please bring the keys of knowledge here,
and evoke the untold truth.
I pray you let it ring throughout
the kingdom of the vampire.

Submitted on 2004-11-28 21:29:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
A very interesting and perceptive write. You gave the readers a lot to process and to think about. In the first stanza, the ryhme is not present, put in the following stanzas it is. Im not to sure about that, and If I were you, I'd try to make it so the flow of the poem is more smoother and clear, maybe all you have to do is change a couple of words its up to you, and thats only my suggestion. Anyways, thank you for sharing this write,, I enjoyed it. I look foward to reading more of your work and hope you take a look see at mine. Thanks againg and keep writing.
Matt
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by matt73 | [ Reply to This ]
baby i was almost there and then there was the vampire and now im like huh...?
the evoking untold truth is cool though... i like that a lot...
this seems to be a totally different groove from your other stuff when i know you being someone else but yeah... thats cool...
at first i think i thought you were talking about a someone... like a girl... you know coz like the first stanza says all you wanted was ... in your life but now im not so convinced... that its a girl your talking about... more like knowledge or truth or something abstract like that... but can you attempt to tell me how the vampireness fits in...? thats got me completely stumped! haha!
| Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

35019

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
Wish written by Daniel Barlow
Date night written by expiring_touch
Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
Break Up written by WriteSomething
In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
In the end written by Janesaddiction
One Thing written by Wolfwatching
Giving written by jjd
Wasps written by Wolfwatching
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
Trails written by Daniel Barlow
May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
To written by SavedDragon
Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
Bond written by saartha
It's Night Now written by RisingSon
Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
untitled written by Chelebel
Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.