A rain falling angrily
lightning frightens the sky
thunderous crashes assault the ground
living things tremble and hide
subsiding to a whisper
light mist to kiss the grass
a silent rainbow left behind
an apology for the noise
I really do love this, each line is a break from the last yet it continues the scene and that last line was simply brilliant. I have to agree this is definitely a fav's. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
marvelous . you are a good writer.. your structure are simple but very ... mmm ... attractive.. i mean .t caught readers attention very quick... `well... i love the idea.. and well.. nice job.. i love it peace and love and keep on writing .. victor!
ok this being the second piece of yours that I have had the pleasure of reading I must say you have a gift for describing nature in such a simple yet vivid way. Personally I love thunderstorms and to sit here and read this piece with you painting the storm in my head is quite enjoyable. The flow was great, there is only one change I would make feel free to use or loose this comment though.. "An angry rain falls as lightning frightens the sky"
something about angrily was just irking me...-John
this is a wondefully written piece ...ive read alot of your stuff but i usually dont comment considering the amount of comments you usually have...but hey i figured why not...first off not trying to sound like some sort of suck up...lol...i think your a really good writer...and i really like this poem...i love rain and thunderstorms...and i love the words you used to describe ...its amazing that in 8 lines you've created such a wonderful image...and the part about the rainbow...i never really thought of a rainbow that way...i love how you've built the piece up ...and then softend it ...smiles ange
I liked this one, it made alot of sense to me and I never thought of the rainbow as an apology for the noise but I now will tell everyone within a 100 foot radius of me that a rainbow is in fact...an apology for the thunder lightning and rain or whatever. reading this is a good change from all the stuff I usually end up reading and it made me unhappily glad. Thanks for the poem.
awesome poetic description, really kind of makes me remember why I like reading poetry. Not sifting through the tons of depressed free verse nor sifting through the over the top complex thesaurus abused submissions. But just stuff like this, pure. very graceful. Bravo I am impressed.
I have a hard time writng about rain--I get way to wordy as there is so much going on. You reduced the various elements with simple, yet compelling imagery. I loved "light mist to kiss the grass"-- that makes me hear the whisper soft hiss of some rains--after the thunder and lightning subside. But best i liked the idea of the rainbow being left behind as token of apology--awesome!"a silent rainbow left behind an apology for the noise". Lovin' it, Silver
I like the way each line is in a staccato form and not punctuated so there is a seamless yet noticeable wraparound - if that's possible. Yes, it is. And this anomaly sits well with your subject matter and inevitably it mirrors your own emotional state whilst writing. And I too think the apologetic rainbow is a super device and it makes me smile. Which is what rain does too. More please Angela~ K
I see that I have already commented on this, apparently in your early days on the site. Unfortunately, that was at a time when I was not offering as much as I could. For that I apologize, and I shall give a bit more now. I read this to Mozart this time. Read it and tired my hand at channelling the emotion and imagry that it evoked. The power was greater. But simple. You do not use complex thought to propel the bullet; it does not abound with expensive diction. Simplicity. In keeping with the spirit of the storm, if you think about it. Violins moaning, water falling. Quiet rainbow and silent weeping. The crying done in secret, made public to the indifferent. My God, I sould like you-know-who. Better stop. A
Angela, this is beautiful. My favorite line... either "lightning frightens the sky" or the last two lines. The only thing that jumps out to me is the semi-rhyme of lines 2 and 4... sky& hide... if intentional, bravo. If not, consider reversing "tremble and hide" to eliminate the rhyme.
Again, this is a lovely piece, deserving of praise and wonder. <><
short and sweet, the way i like it! this was beautiful, the way you started with the storm, eventually settling it down to finally bring around the rainbow as an apology for the noise. very sweet and very poignant. i went digging, angela, and i found a gem for my favorites!!
nicely done. nicely done indeed. i like the decrescendo throughout the whole piece, and the images of the storm in the first few lines are pretty vivid in there succintness. I kind of gave me the image of children hiding underthere beds during a big storm...im not really sure why....
Liked the tale (tail-get it?) of your big ole dog trying to hide in a tiny hidey hole. Mine does the same. Golden Retriever...zcared of loud noise. Thanks for the comment about "Rain." Yes, I am more of a storm person.(Retriever's name is Storm ---HONEST INJUN!) What's more fun than listening to the thunder and rumble grumble in a real flash-bang downpour? Maybe the rainbow is punishment for enjoying the storm so much?
heya angela. how i love the ring of that name. aaaa............things that end in a's.
i think of my beast of a dog trying to find the smallest place to hide. running in a downpour and the shower being the apology:metoday. i like the last two lines as others have said. people always ooh and awe at rainbows like they do at apologies, i find. they are so common, yet still so surprising. :)
i somehow would picture you as a storm lover. maybe we can be both.
Okay, several things puzzle me here. How on Earth do you get so many comments on one piece?! And how did Cyn get away with saying just 'Very, very nice?' I too enjoyed the write but 31 and now 32, I can't quite believe it.