[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Slowest Shutter Speeddots

    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704

       This one took a lot of work. I'm not sure this is the final one, either. It might not make sense. So tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlowest Shutter Speeddots

    My spine is the border
    as you step over me.
    You both become six years old
    with my flinching,
    passing it and fists fly.

    I grab my Nikon from it's
    resting place on my pillow,
    and take two pictures of
    a paradoxial, prophetic struggle.

    A month later the film comes back.
    I see our pictures of the
    lunar eclipse over a mountain
    and the last day of school.

    I see your blended fight as well.
    Arms are blurred, faces meld together,
    two people are one in the gentle light.
    I forgot the change the shutter speed
    after taking photographs in the dark.

    Submitted on 2004-11-28 22:55:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a potentially powerful piece. I can feel the difference that went through your mind but there is something a little disjointed in your wording. I do like the premise of the idea and the way it was short. Keep working at it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by sistersinister | [ Reply to This ]
      oooo... all i can see is foto's superimposed over eachother... ya know...? like i can almost see the two of you fighting with the eclipse shot in the back ground... i know thats not what you are necessarily trying to achieve but thats what i see in my head as i read this...
    i dont have a camera with a shutter speed thingee (whch for me is prolly a good thing else id never get decent foto's coz id keep doing what youve done here and forget to change it...) but yeah... this is a really cool visually effective write!
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Im lost in your words, maybe it could mean, while we may fight, we're all of one species, we shud stick together? birds of a feather flock together???kinda thing...yah noe...but with your spine being the border, that could imply you on the ground...which would mean the fight is over you...and it is said that when men fight over girls, they become like children...explaining line 3. well i guess theres alota meaning in this poem, im moved inside, and i hope to read more from you, ttyl
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Drayke | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not sure why this stanza is even in this poem; it takes away from the poem big time:

    A month later the film comes back.
    I see our pictures of the
    lunar eclipse over a mountain
    and the last day of school.

    If you lose that part, the poem will have more impact and make more sense to the reader.

    I actually love the title, the pic and the poem
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]