[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Kitedots

    Author: deadndreaming
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 1360/1263/81
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 983
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 698

       Clearly the holiday has me feeling sentimental. Last sappy crap I swear!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    With my son on my knee
    We built a sturdy kite
    Its tail finely crafted
    From a security blanket
    To secure its balance -
    We tied a knot for each year
    Of his boundless life

    We took the kite
    To the park at the corner
    The strong canvas sail
    With the insecure tail
    Ripped into a fierce April sky -
    My boy stumbled behind
    Holding tight to the twine

    Each spring at that park
    We tied a new knot
    A decoration of wisdom
    To bring the sky closer
    And make the tail braver
    As I held on tighter -
    Knowing that one day
    He would simply fly away

    Submitted on 2004-11-28 23:24:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm going to try and keep this short - especially since everything has been pretty much said....Great symbolism, simple language that carries the message forward strongly...nothing to fault, just a 'thank you', for bringing my family just that little bit closer to me...I got to see my father with my little brother, and a wonderful man with his son...and how incredibly happy, and intimate and full of longing both those images were...

    All the best,

    | Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      See now, in contrast to "Faith" this is a beautiful [censored] poem. I mean, hell yeah, it's sappy, but that last line man . . . ahhh, says it all. There are some lines in here that could be suped up, but I'm not gonna go into those. I think the sentiment carries the day here, and for all it's faults, this one rises . . .
    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the idea that his security blanket in the end is his freedom. His safety is there on his way out into the world.

    This is a very endearing write. I hope when I get married my husband does this kind of thing with the kids as much as I will. ;)

    ~ Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-02-03 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      aaawwww...this was sweet yes its sentimental...sooo...i love it...i remember taking my daughter to fly kites the first time...she was afraid she'ed fly into the sky along with the kite and wouldn't hold the string...it was cute...now she loves to fly kites and wishes she could fly into the sky...its weird childrens thinking...i love their thoughts...but anyways going of the subject...i love the idea of this write its very sweet and shows the love of a father and the fear of one day...of his child growing up making his own decisions in the world...and you not being able to be there all the time to protect him...ilove it...going to my favs sentimental or not...smiles purps
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful poem for your son. i loved the bit of slant rhyme with sturdy kite/security blanket. very endearing, really. the last line was precious, eventually have to let the your son fly away, and in essence let go of the kite.

    very sweet and tender.

    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Hit the spot! I flew a kite with my son when he was a cub scout. loved the rhythem and flow., and yes, they do fly away, but always hold on to the twine.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Do you really do this with your son? Very sweet, what a great tradition. I liked this poem. Men don't often write about things like this. Made me think of... I think it's Mary Poppins?...
    let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height, let's go fly a kite and send it soaring. up to the atmosphere, up where the air is clear...
    ok haven't seen the movie in years, but that is what I rembember.
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, this is so sweet and sad. I liked how it was made from a security blanket and had a knot for each year. That's a really good way to portray the fact that he is maturing. I'm sure that with this kind of devotion, he may fly away, but he'll visit the nest pretty often.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      How true! How true! Mine has made his journey, but now that he's an adult, I can appreciate him in a whole new way. It's great to watch them grow, a little sad when they leave, but a tremendous feeling of pride when they can handle this world on their own.

    Loved your poem. Made me reminisce for a few moments. Wouldn't alter it at all. It is heart-felt and truthful, a clever portrayal of a father's devotion and pride. Loved it!

    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]