[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Victimdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 664

       okay so i dicided i'd actually try not to use "I" in a poem... i did it now i'm done...but hey, that was pretty cool.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She's a victim of torture,
    And nobody knows.
    She wanted to die,
    So she lies in a road.
    She sees no one's coming,
    So she pulls out a knife.
    Nobody likes her,
    So she takes her own life.
    Just earlier that day,
    She went to school with a gun.
    She killed all the students,
    Because she never knew fun.
    They would always laugh,
    And call her mean names.
    She just couldn't take it.
    She hated all the pain.
    There's no point to life,
    She tried hard to live.
    She was taken advantage of,
    But in return they'd never give.

    Submitted on 2004-11-29 15:12:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      thanx for yor comment on quiet room also back i changed it to black rose this post of yours was good kinda like crazy my last post
    great write keep posting i will keep reading and thanx for reading
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Good write. I was wondering if she actually killed the students, or if she did that in her mind.
    The whole thing paints a picture of miserable hopelessnes. She seems to ave tried hard to fit in and be accepted, but no one cared enough to see it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by Dark_Dancer | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a great peice. It was filled with despair and loneliness. As I read this poem a cloud of darkness and gloom fell over me. My heart sank. Why are people so closed mided and evil. I have the same question as Dark_Dancer...Did she actually kill the students?????? Well, keep up the good work and I hope to read more fo your stuff!
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this, it captured everything this girl felt, you should consider reading cut deep , look for it on my page, great write though, i enjoyed it
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by poetsoul | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful and very sad... i can relate this to days i went through as a young child.. :( i think you did a great job.. :)
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]