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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Left Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: grinninggashes
    ASL Info:    17/f/from sumwhere :)
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 154/124/25
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       yes my mom is living but she left me when i was little and divorced my dad took my brother away and i dunno its a weird situation!


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    dotsYou Left Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Even though I dont' want to admit
    loving you is a habit
    I never get to see your face
    Or hold you in my embrace
    loving you is hard to stop
    remember when you called me your little mop?
    I laughed and played along
    and listened to you sing a song
    I'm like you in many ways
    believe me I think about you everyday
    seeing pictures of us together
    makes me want to cry to my grandmother
    I know that wouldn't make her happy
    because you left me
    I miss you so much
    and your loving touch
    i guess we'll never be together again
    but untill then
    ~I love you mom~




    Submitted on 2004-11-29 16:32:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is touching. i am the opposite of you. my father left us when i was about 11 and i must say though him and i do talk now. it's hard to want the love there with you and you can't get your arms around it. hang in there it'll all work out. this poem is so good, keep it up**
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I could see how this could be mistaken as a poem about your mother's death. I mean, if she left you when you were little, I wouldn't know or anything, but it seems like there'd be more built up resentment than that. But like I said, it's about what you feel. I can't figure out if I like the consistent rhyme or not. I think if you're trying to tell it from sort of a child's point of view, then it works, since I feel that this really sounds like it's in a child's point of view with a child's simplistic emotion. Which is good, if that's what you're trying to do. But if you wanted it to be more of a retrospective poem looking back as a seventeen year old, then you might want to drop the constant rhyme and make it a little more suble, less sing-songy or forced. Otherwise, the idea here is very poem worthy, and I think you did a decent job conveying your emotions even though I still can't imagine viewing someone who left you and took your brother with so much affection. I guess I'd really have to hear more of the story.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by srcastic1 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey gashes! this is kinda sad, I mean, I remember when we were younger and we used to always go through all this controversy with your mother... I am sorry it still bothers you today, I mean, no offense, but you are lucky to have someone like your grandmother raising you instead of your mother, I mean, God only knows where you would be if she had been the one bringing you up. nice poem doll, I hope that it helped vent a little. luv ya!
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good. The flow was perfect I think. It does kind of sound like she is dead. Maybe to you though she is. Such a touching poem. You really let out some emotion. For you to still miss her and think of her all the time even though she did this to you is natural. She is your mother. There is always that mother/daughter longing. I hope one day she realizes that she missed out on a lot of great moments and a lot of pure love.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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