Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i will never stopdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 846
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1125



    Description:
       Just an idea I got...tell me if it makes sense.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi will never stopdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can be your voodoo doll
    With each pinprick
    Feeling pain throughout
    My wretched being
    Wounded through the heart
    But I will never stop

    I can be your little rag doll
    Laying limp in your hand
    You can pull at my hair
    Step on me
    And toss me aside
    But I will never stop

    I can be your Barbie doll
    Dress me up fancy
    Put me in a pink car
    And taunt my life
    My plastic existence
    But I will never stop

    I can be your marionette
    Dangling lifelessly
    Until you pull the ropes
    And make me dance
    To the tune which you play
    But I will never stop

    I can be your baby doll
    Staring up at you
    With my large glass eyes
    Toss me in a corner
    And I promise not to cry
    But I will never stop

    I can be me myself
    Alive and breathing
    Wrapped tight in your arms
    Hold me close forever
    Kiss all my fears away
    And I will never stop

    Loving you





    Submitted on 2004-11-29 22:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think that was excellent. This is exactly how I feel towards someone. The way you put this together was beautiful...each description was terrific. I just loved it. Good peice!
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool idea. I get where you were going with this, and I don't take it literally to mean that he can control you completely. But the play with dolls and puppets and such is very clever and fun to read. I envy you on this one because I bet you had a lot of fun writing it as well. I've been too, too easy lately, gushing with everyone, so I'd love to criticise something here, but I just can't. There are a few lines where I'dlike to see you use a little more imagination, but that's up to you. I typically write something, then challenge every line to see if I might have been lazy here or there. Still, there's always changes that can be made. No need here...it's great as it is. I look forward to reading more of you soon.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent ideal! Smooth execution- desperate, longing, pain of love hurt lost and… damn… I enjoy it. I‘ll pass it along… Signed, Number Six
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      the descroptions in this are amazing in most places. i didnt understand what you wouldn't stop doing and then with the last line it all fitted togther,
    I can be me myself
    Alive and breathing
    Wrapped tight in your arms
    Hold me close forever
    Kiss all my fears away
    And I will never stop

    that was my fav part cos it wasnt depressive
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by rach_me | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    35196

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry