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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i will never stopdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1125



    Description:
       Just an idea I got...tell me if it makes sense.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi will never stopdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can be your voodoo doll
    With each pinprick
    Feeling pain throughout
    My wretched being
    Wounded through the heart
    But I will never stop

    I can be your little rag doll
    Laying limp in your hand
    You can pull at my hair
    Step on me
    And toss me aside
    But I will never stop

    I can be your Barbie doll
    Dress me up fancy
    Put me in a pink car
    And taunt my life
    My plastic existence
    But I will never stop

    I can be your marionette
    Dangling lifelessly
    Until you pull the ropes
    And make me dance
    To the tune which you play
    But I will never stop

    I can be your baby doll
    Staring up at you
    With my large glass eyes
    Toss me in a corner
    And I promise not to cry
    But I will never stop

    I can be me myself
    Alive and breathing
    Wrapped tight in your arms
    Hold me close forever
    Kiss all my fears away
    And I will never stop

    Loving you





    Submitted on 2004-11-29 22:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think that was excellent. This is exactly how I feel towards someone. The way you put this together was beautiful...each description was terrific. I just loved it. Good peice!
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool idea. I get where you were going with this, and I don't take it literally to mean that he can control you completely. But the play with dolls and puppets and such is very clever and fun to read. I envy you on this one because I bet you had a lot of fun writing it as well. I've been too, too easy lately, gushing with everyone, so I'd love to criticise something here, but I just can't. There are a few lines where I'dlike to see you use a little more imagination, but that's up to you. I typically write something, then challenge every line to see if I might have been lazy here or there. Still, there's always changes that can be made. No need here...it's great as it is. I look forward to reading more of you soon.
    | Posted on 2004-11-29 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent ideal! Smooth execution- desperate, longing, pain of love hurt lost and… damn… I enjoy it. I‘ll pass it along… Signed, Number Six
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      the descroptions in this are amazing in most places. i didnt understand what you wouldn't stop doing and then with the last line it all fitted togther,
    I can be me myself
    Alive and breathing
    Wrapped tight in your arms
    Hold me close forever
    Kiss all my fears away
    And I will never stop

    that was my fav part cos it wasnt depressive
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by rach_me | [ Reply to This ]


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