There is only one; You by amlyn

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Submission Name: There is only one; You dots

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Author:	amlyn
ASL Info:	23/F/IN
Elite Ratio:	4.42 - 48/37/9
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	213
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	573

Description:
This poem is about someone much older than me that I fell in love with at 16. He became my best friend then and still is to this day. He is the one for me and that is all there is to say. I am not sure about this though. I believe it still needs work, but the urgency was in my mind to put it on paper.

There is only one; You dots

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Five years in the making
Still, I can't cease the shaking
Your soul touched my heart
A bond in which we'll never part
No matter the time that passed
Our connection remains; forever lasts
No explanation for love so deep
Happiness so true; tears I weep
How can such bliss exist
When disapproval drops from an endless list
I want to turn and silence them all
Into your arms then, I will free fall
Until the day we no longer hide
My heart beat stops, waiting for the next tide

Submitted on 2004-11-30 03:16:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  This is a nice write, it shows real talent, so from that aspect yes I do think YOU could improve it. I really enjoyed it though. Just a small thing;
"My hearts beats stops" should be
"My heart beat stops" it justs sounds better. Good work though, I'll be waiting to see an improved version, something inside me just says you can do better
On a personal note, are you and the guy friends or closer if you don't mind me asking?? And does he know how you feel??
Sarahxx
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
  this is good. you captured your feelings and composed them nicely. what matters is if you like this piece. others can always find things to break down for you, but you as the writer needs to find what you want to change or keep for that matter. i think this is a good write whether you touch it up or leave it**
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really heart felt poem with an underlying degree of unrequited love in the end i am an old romantic from the old school and often wear my heart on my sleeve being a scorpio i tend to fall in love with potential partners with my love being too full on and it usually scaring my potential partner off this generally leaving me heartbroken and lost as to why i did have my affections returned ... i thought that this poem was well written and easy to read all of my material is only ever love driven as i can only write about all things lovely and small fluffy animals i hope to chat to you more about your work sometime please add me to your msn Amlyn admin@superbands.net and i look forward to reading more of your work and hopefully talking with you more in the future keep up the great work... Thank you also for you kind comments on my latest poem "As My Mind Waits For Us To Meet" i am especially happy that you enjoyed reading it
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a very nice write... heartfelt and so emotional... I know what it feels like to be in love with someone... the only advice I can give is if he doesn't know how you feel... TELL HIM GIRL! you shouldn't have to wait another 5 years to be happy. I hope everything works out for ya... keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by xSweetestThingx | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem just lets the reader see how love is like its full of different emotion when you are in love. I really did like how you had the rhyme in it it made it interesting!
| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by grinninggashes | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know if I'd do too much revising. You'd lose the original, raw emotion. I think everyones felt like this for someone at some point in their lives. Don't let go of it. Whatever you do hold onto it with all you have. Promise! :o)
BCute
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

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