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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: letter to the worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 670
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 465



    Description:
       this is just me being really mad. i wrote this today and pretty much said i don't care about anything anymore and can't take it. anyway i hope you guys like it.


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    dotsletter to the worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is my letter to the world,
    my suicide note.
    as i sit and cry,
    because there is no more hope.
    the world all around me,
    is so evil and cruel.
    i carry this load,
    on my back like a mule.
    my arms cry tears,
    of sorrow and blood.
    the world so angry,
    that at my face it throws mud.
    so lonely at night,
    and during the day.
    so sad starting june,
    and july until may.




    Submitted on 2004-11-30 18:16:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      boo freakin hoo. sorry you had a bad day, but i would definitely consider this more of a rant than actual poetry.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by Lunablue | [ Reply to This ]
      it seems kind of forced. the rhyming and the plot behind the words. everybody has bad days in which they hate everything. so, use your emotions to create something that is from deep within yourself. don't just say you hate everything, make me believe it. this piece doesn't give me any reason to believe what you are telling me. add some personality. emotion creates the best poetry, use every last drop of it. keep writing and keep your chin up.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did a good job with this. I hope you're writing this from memories though, because you know I hate people that think they are depressed, when there is no reason to be. With regards to the write, I only noticed the rhyming second time round though, so maybe cut down on some lines to keep the flow constant...

    James
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


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