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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: False Sense of Flamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Me Rambling
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 279/319/50
    Words: 340
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1873



    Description:
       Yep.

    I think this one's pretty obvious. I'm extremely confused, and a lot of the things I write come off as confusing to read.

    It's all in my head, I suppose. :)

    I'm not a poet!

    *Made some grammatical changes. Thanks for pointing them out. Also changed a line based on the opinion of a reader; a reader I agree with. :)*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalse Sense of Flamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Light a candle.

    Have you ever sat down long enough to watch the wick's life come to a steady close? You see the flames flicker; rising gently above its soul as it casts reflective life all around it.

    As you stare at the flame, you notice the colors that are kept secret by the orange glare. The blues, purples, and slightest hints of green. If you're lucky enough, maybe you have a partner to look at the flame with you.

    Look at their eyes. See the candle's reflection? If you don't, then maybe that should be the first clue. But you keep looking. Notice the soft, faint flicker of color accross their pupils? Now tell me, is it fire; is it light?

    Is it you?

    The flame will eventually encompass the base of its life-giver's beliefs. It'll melt the foundation around it, and leave a pool of vermilion "dreams." Hot to the touch, but it will quickly form its bond on your surface.

    Now tell me, is it really bonded with you? Or are you only convienient? Will it bond with only you, or is it possible that the same connection will be made with someone else? Turn your head, and test your friend. Can they withstand the temptation to touch your wax?

    It bonded with them, too.

    And with all emotions, the flame will burn out. Your pool of memories and dreams will eventually harden to an impenetrable shell. Your chances to play, are over. The wick can no longer give the flame its fuel.

    So as your candle burns out, ask yourself if it was ever actually lit in the first place. Why the different colors in the flame? Why did your friend's eyes reflect the same image you gazed at for hours, but didn't reflect the same light? Were they blind...

    or were you?




    Submitted on 2004-11-30 19:27:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! This stuff is deep. This morning I just decided to look throught the comunity and I found this. It is really good how you have connected the flame to real life and everything.

    Made me feel all warm inside when I read it. :D good stuff
    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by d1gn17y | [ Reply to This ]
      You know I never read this, until today...haha, but this is really awesome. It does melt the foundation and leave a pool of vermillion " nothingness" damn the nothingness. the way that you said how the light reflects the illusion of the flame but doesn't give off the same light was freakin killer man. then the final question...were they blind or were you? thats it right there. I do believe, however, that the flame is real, but like you pointed out...candles fail, they burn out over time, and then you're left with vermillion dreams etched in a vermillion sunrise. take care boofer
    | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      you say you are not a poet, I say that you lie.
    No one can write in such beautiful and mesmerizing ways otherwise. I am just in complete awe with this write. I hope that you quickly learn how to write about happiness lest we be deprived of such beauty and deep thoughts.
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this...makes me think seems like u thought about it too... i disagree i think u r a poet, or at least poetic. I really like how you observed and extended ur metaphor. thats pretty hard to do without drawing ot out too long.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very... philosophical. Is that the right word? Deep for sure. It shows your own wonderments about a specific person in your life. I hope you can decide on what is going on and the next step to take. Good candle comparison. We all give off energy, just like the flame.
    I really like your stuff so I might as well stalk you huh? I'm a nice stalker; gentle, not too psychotic... you can ask my other stalkees.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought that it was good. it was very deep and tender. you don't have to be a poet to write poetry, you just have to have emotion for the most part, which you display rather well here. the metaphors were good and i liked the structure of it. it came off as very heartfelt. i thought that it was a very good poem. good poetry can be derived from confusion and it can create a very deep, emotional piece. if one looks closely enough, one can get the underlying meaning of the poem, even if it is a little confusing. it came off as a love poem to me. the way that you look into someone's eyes, looking for that "flicker of light". the way that you love them and wants to see if they love you back. confused love. maybe i'm wrong, but that's what i got out of it. anyways, keep it up. it was good writing.
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      This is like one of those deep thinking writes. I really like the topic. It's interesting how you come up with ideas like this. I like the whole concept of looking to see if the 'fire' is in someone else's eyes. You've posted some really though provoking ideas in this that everyone should ask themselves. Sometimes it's good to go back into the shell of memories to remember the time you shared even if one of you were blinded. :) Good write. Mr. Non-Poet. :)
    Take care!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This was really amazing. . . truly intriguing and a well-written piece of work. I used to like poems more but I've gone towards prose now. . . prose like this that has meaning buried, or sprinkled lightly with dirt as yours is. You're really a good writer. . . I love the part about the colors that are masked by the orange flame - very good imagery, and the part about was it just a reflection, or was it coming from within? Keep your chin up though. . . I understand what you're going through as much as someone like me can, and it's not fun but you'll find your way out of it eventually, and like passing through the fire, only your true friends (or friends with benefits )will be left.
    Two things I would fix. When the word "it" is possessive, it is not spelled "it's" but "its". I think it's really weird but there you have it. Also, on the sixth paragraph, I would write "The flame will eventually encompass the base of the beliefs of its life-giver." instead of what you've got. The word "bottom" especially doesn't sound write.
    Great write though. Are your other works like this? I would really like to know.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a cool stream of consciousness poem. I like how you could make the connections and the flow from one idea to the next. very cool. the idea behind this is awesome and the way you portrayed it is really good. peace.

    In His service,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery used, weaves itself ever so tightly around lucid concepts… I could vividly see you, almost as definite as a hallucination.
    Your Qs involve the reader, I felt as though you were speaking to me!
    This is a highly effective technique!
    This time, your Qs pose answers in which have already been established (by you), -this allows the audience to recognize your feelings and opinions –this is ingenious!
    You descriptive tone, has engaged me until the very end, building great levels of suspense and intrigue…
    “The colors that are kept secret by the orange glare” –you say that this piece is ‘obvious’, yet I dispute!
    This piece is entangled with personal convictions as well as emotions… how could it not? It is indeed to do with love? And love is ever so subjective and unique to each individual.
    You have manifested the ordinary into the extra-ordinary, with your enchanting words and the will to challenge the reader’s inquisitive nature!
    I adore the way in which you juxtaposition your words as if to bind them with the questions that seem to haunt you the most…
    The simpler, smaller things within life, may as well be the most important –just as you have illustrated within your muse…
    And change is constant, and unexpected!
    Your metaphors are stimulating and thought provoking…
    Analyzing this piece, is rather challenging, I am seeing things –all too blurry, attempting to sort these shadows out from one another… thus forgive my abrupt comments!
    This piece is much like a dream –is it real, is it false… and you leave it to the reader to determine.
    You have won me over, yet again!
    An overwhelmingly fantastic write!
    Sustain this, as I am craving for more!
    Oxoxo Snow White.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Romanticist | [ Reply to This ]
      what's nice about this is that your argument for your point of view was indesputable from the beginning with a decisive voice that never allows for too much straying. a lot of people make the mistake of leaving too much up to the reader which kills interest and sometimes the point the writer was trying to make. i love the title, it's once of those really great ones, so kudos on that. the one liners you've got between paragraphs were gems, even though they were more questions when you've got several already. but i think it reads better with lots of questions, the way you might hear a conversation between a knowledgeable person and an ignorant person on a topic which made me want to eavesdrop. a lot of this was very direct and to the point, the best aspects of this were thankfully subtle and left to the reader to expand on, nice touch. so all in all, a swell piece here. you may not think you're a poet, but you're a writer if i ever saw one. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I haven't checked up on your writing in a while. I'm sorry, more for myself than anything because I truly enjoy it. I read your journal and I wish that you hadn't deleted your last two entries because I'm sure that they weren't bad at all. Sometimes I feel like mine are but really it's just that the feelings that I have now don't describe the ones that I had once felt in what I was writing or describing.

    I can sense the feeling of betrayl here... giving up on "childish views" and feeling something special anymore. How you just seem to have reallized that the real world is full of bas tards and nothing is ever fair. Everything you may have ever wanted or thought to have is phony. A lie. As my ex boyfriends mom would tell her third grader... "Life's a b*tch, and then you die."
    And really what I get from you isn't all that different. I just hear life is unimportant and nobody really cares... they just think they do for the time being... and then you die.

    Which is really depressing to think about and pretty pessimistic... But also what I believe to be true. Maybe I'm just in a crappy mood for some personal life reasons right now, but I really agree with what I'm getting from your poem lol. Maybe the fact that I'm in a crappy mood dostorts how I read your poem and is making it all yeah for me... all in all I still liked it quite a bit. it opened my eyes to the crappiness of the world even more. bravo! lol. peace love and ovenmitts, --Hillarie
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by falloutgirl | [ Reply to This ]


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