Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sickdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solitary_cross
    ASL Info:    19/female/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 92/107/24
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       This is about those people whom you get sick and tired of their being so perfect which sometimes can get you in the nerves. Almost all adore them that they have memorized all their movements. That is just so sick.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSickdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you run your fingers
    Along the strands of your hair
    A perfect motion
    Like you don't seem to care

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you glance your eyes
    Across the lighted room
    That pretends to follow
    My every move

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you breathe in air
    As it rushes into your body
    Moves my soul deep
    Into lasting eternity

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you call out my name
    Your lips whisper a song
    I sway along its tune
    So as the spirit longs

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How your hands made contact
    With my sensitive skin
    Your gentle touch
    Reawakes the inner sin

    I look at you
    And I remember...

    How your whole being sickens me.




    Submitted on 2004-12-01 06:49:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. Threw me for a loop. Even though I read the description before the poem when I started reading it got me so into it I figured it was a longing piece. Missing what you can't have. But, that last line. Like the knife plunging through the heart, just woke me up. How often have I thought this myself? I asked myself. Wow. Good Job.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I see a lot of conflict in the piece. It's almost a love/hate relationship the protagonist shares with the subject his musings. I like that inner struggle, it adds a certain depth to the whole that I found most intriguing.

    On another note your structure was not wasted on me. the repetition of the couplet line brings on a since of flashback and then on to the 4 line stanza with the abcb pattern. nice structure. subtle rhymes in there keeps it from becoming too simple

    example:

    tune/move
    body/eternity


    I enjoyed this piece, I can see you spent a little effort on it.

    well done


    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Finally. I've read several poems today and I finally found one that I liked. While the topic was rather unoriginal, the poem itself was very original, which is all that matters. I must say that my favorite aspect of the poem was the ironic ending...I almost didn't see it coming. Okay, I didn't see it coming. Anyway, this piece was really enjoyable...a very almost passionate way of describing hatred for someone. I do feel like this is about something alot deeper and alot more personal than what you describe, but that's ok. Nice job.
    -brandy
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by w0rdz_0f_wizd0m | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    35401

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    This written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Push written by JanePlane
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry