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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sickdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solitary_cross
    ASL Info:    19/female/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 92/107/24
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       This is about those people whom you get sick and tired of their being so perfect which sometimes can get you in the nerves. Almost all adore them that they have memorized all their movements. That is just so sick.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSickdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you run your fingers
    Along the strands of your hair
    A perfect motion
    Like you don't seem to care

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you glance your eyes
    Across the lighted room
    That pretends to follow
    My every move

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you breathe in air
    As it rushes into your body
    Moves my soul deep
    Into lasting eternity

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How you call out my name
    Your lips whisper a song
    I sway along its tune
    So as the spirit longs

    I look at you
    And I remember

    How your hands made contact
    With my sensitive skin
    Your gentle touch
    Reawakes the inner sin

    I look at you
    And I remember...

    How your whole being sickens me.




    Submitted on 2004-12-01 06:49:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. Threw me for a loop. Even though I read the description before the poem when I started reading it got me so into it I figured it was a longing piece. Missing what you can't have. But, that last line. Like the knife plunging through the heart, just woke me up. How often have I thought this myself? I asked myself. Wow. Good Job.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I see a lot of conflict in the piece. It's almost a love/hate relationship the protagonist shares with the subject his musings. I like that inner struggle, it adds a certain depth to the whole that I found most intriguing.

    On another note your structure was not wasted on me. the repetition of the couplet line brings on a since of flashback and then on to the 4 line stanza with the abcb pattern. nice structure. subtle rhymes in there keeps it from becoming too simple

    example:

    tune/move
    body/eternity


    I enjoyed this piece, I can see you spent a little effort on it.

    well done


    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Finally. I've read several poems today and I finally found one that I liked. While the topic was rather unoriginal, the poem itself was very original, which is all that matters. I must say that my favorite aspect of the poem was the ironic ending...I almost didn't see it coming. Okay, I didn't see it coming. Anyway, this piece was really enjoyable...a very almost passionate way of describing hatred for someone. I do feel like this is about something alot deeper and alot more personal than what you describe, but that's ok. Nice job.
    -brandy
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by w0rdz_0f_wizd0m | [ Reply to This ]


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