[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Facsimile Paindots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFacsimile Paindots

    You said your heart was hurting,
    a calculus-induced headache
    moved to your chest.
    A facsimile pain arises in me;
    our eyes water the carpet.
    I hope to be the pill
    to dull your throbbing,
    an addictive narcotic
    that overtakes all dreams,
    all thoughts of her.

    Submitted on 2004-12-01 12:16:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      um... yes. being a pill is a wierd goal, being a narcotic even stranger... seems to be about selfishness bordering on obsession, hoping to get someone else adicted on you and oblivious to others...or at least another.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought this was pretty good, my only problem was the phrase 'facsimile pain' - don't thank that seems right somehow, can't place my finger on it, but it just doesn't jibe with the rest. anyway, just me 2 cents, take it or leave it. again, good write. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      How hard it is to replace another, especially when the other is still entrenched in the heart of the one you're trying to win over. Your subject best beware of the rebound effect. It's like drinking to forget;once you sober up, the problem is still there.

    Interesting how you take a rather sterile, technical term like facsimile and make it fit with something as human as pain...nice work
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      you give me a hard time with all these technical expressions, but it's okay. and it adds to the poem. you use these technical terms but put so much emotion and personal meaning behind it. I don't feel the need to replace 'pain'.would complicate it to much I think. 'pain' is fine. really good poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the images you've written here "calculus induced
    headache", "tears water the carpet", and "facsimile pain" I can relate to these. Thanks for sharing, we all know what it's like to be with a friend in need.
    Thanks for sharing,
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Sweet-as my young son would say! You encapsulized that wierd space where the former yet now active counterpart speaks, yea also demands TRUTH. More about which -later==suffice to say, this is a grand start-Later

    I loved the idea of being there for a special person-as an analgesic-
    "I hope to be the pill
    To dull your throbbing
    An addictive narcotic
    That overtakes all dreams
    All thoughts of her"

    Not vindictive,-just a self-assured and sensible call- to restore some semblance of orfer in your respective live.
    Lovin' It
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a very interesting an unique approach to describing the transfer of pain from one person to another..it gets...faxed. I like that alot.

    Just stuffing all of that emotion into one tiny little suitcase. You're so darn good at these.

    Original and well written.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]