untitled by poetsoul

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Submission Name: untitled dots

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Author:	poetsoul
ASL Info:	17/f/cali
Elite Ratio:	2.47 - 109/151/32
Words:	51

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	242
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	317

Description:

untitled dots

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she layed her tiny hand in mine,
and looked at me with her tired and innocent eyes.
i saw through her malenutritioned body,
she was all skin and bones.
she smelt of vile vomit,
from days of pained hunger.
all she owned was an old ratty blanket....
and a beautiful soul

Submitted on 2004-12-01 15:42:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this was a really good poem.
how old was she?
this poem could use some legnething and description if you are telling us about her, but if you are just expressing how you feel than you shouldn't change it at all, it was beautiful.
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww...so sweet. It's amazing to me to see how God works through some people. Seeing writing like this about a subject of this nature sort of renews my hope for humanity.

Sometimes I really start to think that maybe we've really screwed up as a species...

But then again we haven't. As long as there is love...then we haven't messed up.

Innocence like that of the girl you met, is rare. If I knew where to find that girl I'd take her in and give her shelter and take care of her and keep her safe and free from having to do without.

Anyhoo...this was a beautiful write. Much love to ya.
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
  great piece terrific ndinfg as well lots of questions remain unanswered great way of leaving the thought process to others great thought
sandman
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  good job.. it was pretty .. i liked it.. but it could be longer and more detailed but good write.. .. hope to see more from ya..
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by AnointedPoetess | [ Reply to This ]
  I am still in tears as I write this, very moving piece of work, although I see that the others would have liked it longer, I find that it packs so much power in the fact that you kept it simple. It leaves lots of questions and in a way it might move people to get off their duff and find out for theirself and while they are there just maybe they will reach out with a helping hand. We all forget how blessed we are, thank you for writing this and it will make it into my fav's.
| Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
  There are a lot of technical things you could do to make this a beter poem, but it is a great sentiment and ideas are what poetry is all about. Without a beautiful idea all the technique in the world will only get you drivel, so keep this and some day come back and see if you want to change anything then. But do give it a title, at least a working title. You can always revise that too. I'd suggest your last line, A Beautiful Soul.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]

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