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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: suicide lanedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 332



    Description:
       tih is just something i put together the other day hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssuicide lanedots
    -------------------------------------------


    they say there's still hope,
    yet, i still find it hard to cope.
    i can't take all this pain,
    while i'm in suicide lane.
    they say i am "lower than dirt,"
    please stop, 'cause those words hurt.
    i'm feeling so alone today,
    i cannot help feeling so gray.




    Submitted on 2004-12-01 19:47:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yo same here! i can relate to this one too! maybe one day you and i should me and colab. because there is something about your style and words that reminds me of mine! to me this is one of those simple-complex poems! never let your hands stop moving, and keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
      These pieces, I believe, are for us to get out our hurts and feelings. It's like a little cry for help - who out there is listening?
    Sometimes life seems very depressing but there's good in you and good out there. I liked the term Suicide Lane - it's like sometimes our minds get stuck there. Hope you feel better! Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      the simpleness and rhyming give this piece everything it needs to be great. again i can relate so keep on writing.
    ~lauren
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by blahblahgurl | [ Reply to This ]
      Tis poem was very short but somehow still got the message accross very well,just with those few line I could relate and also I liked the part where you said not while i'm in suicied lane,I thought that was great use of words,well written.take care,Jamie.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by korn9426 | [ Reply to This ]
      really simple..kinda choppy..but good rhyme and flow..i know how that feels..i go through it almost every day..good write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by FadedSilence | [ Reply to This ]
      they say there's still hope,
    yet, i still find it hard to cope.
    i can't take all this pain,
    while i'm in suicide lane.
    they say i am "lower than dirt,"
    please stop, 'cause those words hurt.
    i'm feeling so alone today,
    i cannot help feeling so gray.

    When I first started reading this I was planning on slamming on you on the lack of capitalization; even in the title. As I read it though, it somewhat became apparent that the use of "small" letters portrayed a feeling of someone actually felling "lower than dirt." So bravo.

    As to the last comment, I didn't find the flow of this piece to be choppy at all. Partially because I don't read anything (anything) with any sort of beat in my mind. I've met "adults" who read poetry, prose or even short stories with a childs nursery rhyme beat out loud. It drives me nuts! I read things like I'm having a conversation, and that generally wipes any need for "flow" right off the plate.

    Anyways, I enjoyed this. Quick, short and to the point. No need to run on, and that's what I like. A lot of times, as selfish as it may seem, if I have to scroll down in my browser to read something, I just skip it altogether. If I know the writer, then I'll read it, but besides that I just move on to something shorter. That sounds aweful, I know. :(

    Take care,
    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      It's short and the rhyme seems like it is forced. You have a good title but it seems like it needs more stanzas to it. Other than that you also were able to capture the thoughts of so many in so little words.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]


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