Description: tih is just something i put together the other day hope you like it.
suicide lane -------------------------------------------
they say there's still hope,
yet, i still find it hard to cope.
i can't take all this pain,
while i'm in suicide lane.
they say i am "lower than dirt,"
please stop, 'cause those words hurt.
i'm feeling so alone today,
i cannot help feeling so gray.
yo same here! i can relate to this one too! maybe one day you and i should me and colab. because there is something about your style and words that reminds me of mine! to me this is one of those simple-complex poems! never let your hands stop moving, and keep writing!
These pieces, I believe, are for us to get out our hurts and feelings. It's like a little cry for help - who out there is listening? Sometimes life seems very depressing but there's good in you and good out there. I liked the term Suicide Lane - it's like sometimes our minds get stuck there. Hope you feel better! Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
Tis poem was very short but somehow still got the message accross very well,just with those few line I could relate and also I liked the part where you said not while i'm in suicied lane,I thought that was great use of words,well written.take care,Jamie.
they say there's still hope, yet, i still find it hard to cope. i can't take all this pain, while i'm in suicide lane. they say i am "lower than dirt," please stop, 'cause those words hurt. i'm feeling so alone today, i cannot help feeling so gray.
When I first started reading this I was planning on slamming on you on the lack of capitalization; even in the title. As I read it though, it somewhat became apparent that the use of "small" letters portrayed a feeling of someone actually felling "lower than dirt." So bravo.
As to the last comment, I didn't find the flow of this piece to be choppy at all. Partially because I don't read anything (anything) with any sort of beat in my mind. I've met "adults" who read poetry, prose or even short stories with a childs nursery rhyme beat out loud. It drives me nuts! I read things like I'm having a conversation, and that generally wipes any need for "flow" right off the plate.
Anyways, I enjoyed this. Quick, short and to the point. No need to run on, and that's what I like. A lot of times, as selfish as it may seem, if I have to scroll down in my browser to read something, I just skip it altogether. If I know the writer, then I'll read it, but besides that I just move on to something shorter. That sounds aweful, I know. :(
It's short and the rhyme seems like it is forced. You have a good title but it seems like it needs more stanzas to it. Other than that you also were able to capture the thoughts of so many in so little words.