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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The New Meaning of Christmasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       Inspired by those relatives who seem to think love is measured by attainment of material possessions or by a dollar amount.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe New Meaning of Christmasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Christmas is upon our hide.
    Time for us to hitch a ride
    To reside by Salesman's side,
    Until each check book has died.

    Tis the time to buy fake trees,
    And bake some store bought cookies.
    Purchase what your child decrees
    Are the "must have" things he sees.

    Make sure to pay attention
    To the latest infection
    Of new toyhood perfection:
    A poverty extension.

    Whatever the price, you'll see
    You can't keep loved ones happy.
    Most oft heard this year will be
    "He got more presents than me!"

    Goodbye to family ties
    If below the fake tree lies
    Homemade crafts and homemade pies.
    "These aren't the highest paid buys!"

    To show the amount you care
    Is to spend all you can spare.
    Shame on those of us who dare
    To make every gift we share.




    Submitted on 2004-12-01 20:17:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The message is undeniably true.

    The first and last stanza seem forced. I would love you to write this in a free verse style, because your skills would impact your message really well.

    I felt so bad for my one friend, he was so lonely that he had to shaved his one leg to make it seem like he was sleeping with a woman,lol

    On to your next poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad and so true. I feel it just as much with some of my family. One year I made all my presents and I felt that they just weren't good enough. I'm tired of people buying meaningless gifts just because they have to. I'd rather get nothing at all than something that was bought at the last minute and had no thought put into it.
    The wording seemed fine to me, but, to be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to it as much as I was just enjoying the general message. Nothing really jumped out at me, except that "homade" should be "homemade."
    Great job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Witty, true, and shameful. I cant say I'm all about "price and presents" but this poem went to my heart and made me realize maybe I should take a couple other things into consideration.

    Anyway this was a pretty good poem. Your kept your rhyme scheme fairly tight, and although this part:

    "Make sure to pay attention
    To the latest infection
    Of now toyhood perfection:
    A poverty extension."

    seemed a little out of place on my first read it wasnt as green thumb on the second one. Overall this is a good write:O)

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      well, although I found the poem funny and sad at the same time, because it did make me look inside myself and what a shameful thing I saw, how many times have I said...I wish they would just not bother, I dont need more junk in my closet, but as a poem in whole I feel it could use a bit of work of the wording, but the ideas it invokes stands firm and solid! over all good work!
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice sense of satire and irony. If you tightened some spots up a bit to get a really mad meter going, (like in stanza three,) this could be way nasty good.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Jemma Dumptruck | [ Reply to This ]
      You need to come to our family Christmas. Besides all the baking,etc. We have gifts that we have been exchanging for twenty years. We refer to them as LITTLE CHIMERS. My son was selling them in middle school and stated that they were the sort of thing one should buy for someone you were obligated to buy a gift, but did not really want to. Of course, we all bought one and gave it to him. The best part of the holiday is to see who will end up with these each year. Have a Happy and ignore the herd.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      so very sad... i hate christmas for these very reasons... i helped my mom put up the christmas tree a couple of days age.. already fights were breaking out... my sister stomped upstairs... all this talk of shopping and presents... wants, desires... then worries about being broke... can't stand it... i'm making most of the presents i'm giving this year... and i'm giving them out of love only...
    anyways.. a good write.. some of the rhyming seems forced... i have to disagree with superman there because that stanza happens to be my favorite... though i can give ou no reason why... sorry.. it jsut grabbed me...
    "tis time to buy fake trees
    and bake some store bought cookies"
    how fake everyone gets!
    "purchase what your child decrees
    are the must have things he sees"
    i hate going to stores and seeing these kids wanting all this stuff.. crying sometimes to have it.. knowing that they propbably wont play with half of these overpriced toys for more than a month...
    "he got more presents than me"
    Ah! the greed... be happy you got something at all... its not a competition...one more reason right here why i dont want kids...
    the last stanza here tells all.. encompasses the true meaning of the consumer christmas... its just so sad...
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
      Renee,
    Be careful that your message does not get lost in your rhym scheme. Try something a bit looser like an ABAC or ABCB. There are lines where the word choice/order seems forced (ST 2 Ln 4).
    That being said, you've reminded me of all I hate about Christmas. The commercialality and gotta have's can really ruin the whole spirit of giving. That theme comes across loud and clear. It may have even inspired me to write on the topic.
    jan ;)
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is truly what christmas has become for America this is too ture. In a poem like this I think the most important part is the message, ont the ryhme scheme or sentence stucture or syntax, it is the idea and what you have to support it. This has a quite satirical message and adds to the American Hall of Shame. But if you want to attract more people or make people think harder then try to lighten up on the sarcasim and then people will have to think to understand your poems. But thats only a segestion for another poem this one is unique and i cant change it . Keep it up.
    Spartan
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Spartan | [ Reply to This ]


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