[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Beedots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 342

       This is a really old one that I just found last week. It says a lot... if you can understand it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In a room all by myself,
    I don't think that I'm in good health.
    I look around and all I see...
    Is a big fat stinger bee.
    Please don't hurt me I shall cry.
    For if you do I'll surely die.
    I'm not allergic, I've not forgot.
    But with all this pain my heart will rot.

    Submitted on 2004-12-01 20:26:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A bumblebee stung me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Damn phallic metaphors for penises… Hmmmmm- remove the "that" in lyne 2 for better flow... Peace, love and killer bees- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not sure if I should be laughing but...damn that was funny! I loved it. I would hate to know how you came up with this but ... great work!
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny! Really funny! Nix "for" in line six and "that" in line two to amp up the meter, and I think you'll have it! Nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Jemma Dumptruck | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]