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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 588
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 342



    Description:
       This is a really old one that I just found last week. It says a lot... if you can understand it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a room all by myself,
    I don't think that I'm in good health.
    I look around and all I see...
    Is a big fat stinger bee.
    Please don't hurt me I shall cry.
    For if you do I'll surely die.
    I'm not allergic, I've not forgot.
    But with all this pain my heart will rot.




    Submitted on 2004-12-01 20:26:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A bumblebee stung me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Damn phallic metaphors for penises… Hmmmmm- remove the "that" in lyne 2 for better flow... Peace, love and killer bees- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not sure if I should be laughing but...damn that was funny! I loved it. I would hate to know how you came up with this but ... great work!
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny! Really funny! Nix "for" in line six and "that" in line two to amp up the meter, and I think you'll have it! Nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by Jemma Dumptruck | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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