Description: The poem is dedicated to the most beautiful eyes i've seen. Love ya J.
In Her Eyes -------------------------------------------
In her eyes, I see life
Not my life, or hers
Not a life
I see the drop of morning dew
On the soft petal of the frail rose
I see boundless ocean vistas
I see sunsets painting the sky with nature's palette
I smell freedom
I taste crisp air
I hear the earth breathe soft music
And feel the sun on my skin
I hear the voices of a million ancient Gods
Talking to me
I see myself
In her eyes.
The first thing I noticed is that this poem gives a colourful imagery of how you feel. When I first read through, I knew there was something special about it, though I didn't know what it was... after analysing it (ok, maybe ANALYSE is too heavy a word to be used here haha!), I know what made this poem really interesting to me. It tells of feelings of love personified in every way possible. This is not just a mere compliment... I really mean it, because I don't know if you intended it or not (if you did not, then that amazes me even more!), but you wrote down about the love you feel through every one of the human senses! To see, to feel, to hear, to taste, to speak. It's all in there! Coincidental or not, I don't care - it is a good poem! :)
Promising, but as it stands it feels a little empty. I think we need to see more of her. All we see are here eyes and what you see through them and we can guess how amazing she must be but if you could relate the why's of it all you'd have a stronger/richer piece. It's a problem I have with my work, but I'm mostly working with sonnets and they have a limited space and set form. There's nothing to stop you expanding this. It's beautiful but without those kind of details it could be just another line or a line of fantasy...make it real and you'll be on to a winner
its a wonderful piece in my eyes even if it might be short a bit not covering the full aspect and still could have some addition but its how you feel and you're the one who knows how to put it down ..NICE WORK :) keep it up
yeah i really agree with sebastian, it really contradicts with itself but i know you have your own view of it, at first i just cant connect the idea of the lines but as i read it again and again there i see a hidden imagery of the poem. kinda abstract i guess!