Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Her Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jimma
    ASL Info:    22/m/Melb Aust
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 217/234/54
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 505



    Description:
       The poem is dedicated to the most beautiful eyes i've seen. Love ya J.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Her Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In her eyes, I see life
    Not my life, or hers
    Not a life
    But life.
    I see the drop of morning dew
    On the soft petal of the frail rose
    I see boundless ocean vistas
    I see sunsets painting the sky with nature's palette
    I smell freedom
    I taste crisp air
    I hear the earth breathe soft music
    And feel the sun on my skin
    I hear the voices of a million ancient Gods
    Talking to me
    I see myself
    In her eyes.




    Submitted on 2004-12-02 04:59:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The first thing I noticed is that this poem gives a colourful imagery of how you feel. When I first read through, I knew there was something special about it, though I didn't know what it was... after analysing it (ok, maybe ANALYSE is too heavy a word to be used here haha!), I know what made this poem really interesting to me. It tells of feelings of love personified in every way possible. This is not just a mere compliment... I really mean it, because I don't know if you intended it or not (if you did not, then that amazes me even more!), but you wrote down about the love you feel through every one of the human senses! To see, to feel, to hear, to taste, to speak. It's all in there! Coincidental or not, I don't care - it is a good poem! :)
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]
      Promising, but as it stands it feels a little empty. I think we need to see more of her. All we see are here eyes and what you see through them and we can guess how amazing she must be but if you could relate the why's of it all you'd have a stronger/richer piece. It's a problem I have with my work, but I'm mostly working with sonnets and they have a limited space and set form. There's nothing to stop you expanding this. It's beautiful but without those kind of details it could be just another line or a line of fantasy...make it real and you'll be on to a winner
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      its a wonderful piece in my eyes even if it might be short a bit not covering the full aspect and still could have some addition but its how you feel and you're the one who knows how to put it down ..NICE WORK :) keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah i really agree with sebastian, it really contradicts with itself but i know you have your own view of it, at first i just cant connect the idea of the lines but as i read it again and again there i see a hidden imagery of the poem. kinda abstract i guess!
    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by eidnyc d_ noble | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    35563

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry