[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Smiledots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 392

       This was written a long time ago but it's how I feel now.I am not really sure the poem reflects what I felt when I wrote it, enjoy!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    blood pours from my veins
    I smile
    my skin burns with hate
    but I smile
    pain throbs inside
    I smile
    I'm indifferent to all you say
    so I smile
    you took my love away
    but I smiled
    the only thing I can save
    is my smile
    I make everything fade
    with my smile
    I make you go away
    when I smile

    Submitted on 2004-12-02 11:59:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      yea this was great. i think the repetition of "smile" made added to its meaning. i think it was a little bit on the short side-kinda like a tease-because it was written amazing good and it has the reader expecting more. so yea, thumbs up on this one!
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm... i don't like the way it keeps saying smile..it just doesn't fit.. I suggest making it a little bit longer and add a bit of flavor. :-P Other than that I can see where you're coming from
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by BenevolantWords | [ Reply to This ]
      But of course the smyle fits dude who commented before me- you just don’t get it… No longer need it be- and no “Flavor” needed. It tastes metallic enough. Grood jorb! Thys is EXACTALLY my cup of tea. Peace, love and pedophiles- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      Lately repetition hasn't been bothering me like it used to. I guess in some poems it is necessary, like this one. I like the fact that you use your smile to overpower whatever situation you're in. Sometimes just showing that you are outwardly happy will make people have a totally different view of you. And it shows that no-good guy that you don't need him to be happy! Good stuff, I like how you go from one feeling to the next
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      wow-this was really good i do agree that it should be a little longer. i didnt want to stop reading...you should try to think of something to make it ...great! the next time you get mad or really upset take it out on paper and then add it to this poem...if you ever add more to it let me know...also i loved the repitition of smile it fit well in the poem...good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]