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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smiledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 392



    Description:
       This was written a long time ago but it's how I feel now.I am not really sure the poem reflects what I felt when I wrote it, enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmiledots
    -------------------------------------------


    blood pours from my veins
    I smile
    my skin burns with hate
    but I smile
    pain throbs inside
    I smile
    I'm indifferent to all you say
    so I smile
    you took my love away
    but I smiled
    the only thing I can save
    is my smile
    I make everything fade
    with my smile
    I make you go away
    when I smile




    Submitted on 2004-12-02 11:59:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yea this was great. i think the repetition of "smile" made added to its meaning. i think it was a little bit on the short side-kinda like a tease-because it was written amazing good and it has the reader expecting more. so yea, thumbs up on this one!
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm... i don't like the way it keeps saying smile..it just doesn't fit.. I suggest making it a little bit longer and add a bit of flavor. :-P Other than that I can see where you're coming from
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by BenevolantWords | [ Reply to This ]
      But of course the smyle fits dude who commented before me- you just don’t get it… No longer need it be- and no “Flavor” needed. It tastes metallic enough. Grood jorb! Thys is EXACTALLY my cup of tea. Peace, love and pedophiles- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      Lately repetition hasn't been bothering me like it used to. I guess in some poems it is necessary, like this one. I like the fact that you use your smile to overpower whatever situation you're in. Sometimes just showing that you are outwardly happy will make people have a totally different view of you. And it shows that no-good guy that you don't need him to be happy! Good stuff, I like how you go from one feeling to the next
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      wow-this was really good i do agree that it should be a little longer. i didnt want to stop reading...you should try to think of something to make it ...great! the next time you get mad or really upset take it out on paper and then add it to this poem...if you ever add more to it let me know...also i loved the repitition of smile it fit well in the poem...good job.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]


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