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    dots Submission Name: The Awakeningdots

    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 755
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4189

       Okay I know it needs work! This was written some time ago and is begging to become a book but I just thought Id post it and get first impressions.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Awakeningdots

    As the clouds cleared, a ribbon of moonlight unravelled across the surface of the lake. A silvery, silken scarf rippling through the cool waters, teased into life by the potent breath of a sorcerer’s chant.
    Raven exhaled slowly, then sucked in a lung full of clean air and held it. His legs were beginning to cramp and the desire to move them was bullying its way into his mind. If he moved, even slightly, he knew he would be discovered!
    A breeze danced over the bush where he was concealed, rustling the leaves, trying to spook him. Raven slowly exhaled again and stole another breath. His pale, blue eyes had not moved from the tall, dark figure that stood muttering to himself at the edge of the water, his hooded head bowed.

    The man at the edge of the lake became silent. His head snapped up. He was staring at the shaft of moonlight on the lake. Raven followed his gaze.
    Suddenly a bubble broke the waters’ surface, it was followed by another and another. Then a fountain erupted , bursting forth from the lakes’ centre like a giant serpent, striking into existence.
    The man had not moved.
    Now he lifted his arms up, his palms pushing skywards, willing something to rise. Raven stared wide eyed, terror was clawing at his throat. He forced it back down into his stomach , where it thrashed around like a captured hawk.

    A creature was forming in the fountain. The waters began to calm.
    Raven gasped! There, bathing in the glow of the moon, swam a woman, a blue woman to be precise.
    Oh God! Raven almost sighed out loud, she was beautiful. Her hair shone like white gold, her skin was as smooth as polished stone, and her eyes, her eyes were like deep oceans, no, whirlpools; Raven felt himself being pulled towards them. He would willingly swim into those whirlpools, he longed to be dragged downwards into their depths, to drown in her tears, should she wish it! He had to go to her! He just had to! He........

    Just then the tall man spoke. Raven felt as if something snapped, he felt free and his soul rejoiced! Scared and relieved, he realised that he had been close to death, that he had wanted that death! His body began to shake in fear, he wanted to flee but now found himself unable to do so! He realised it was now the man’s will that held him. Raven’s tongue shrivelled like a dried plum and he felt sick! He was compelled to watch.

    “Do not attempt to harm me lady, I could squash you like a bug , should I wish it!” Although the man’s words were harsh , there were tears in his eyes!

    The blue woman’s eyes were sad as she turned towards the man.
    “Wizard I would not wish to harm you.” She smiled a tired smile, “I’m really glad it is you who has summoned me........but why have you come?”

    “It is time!” The wizard announced softly, “The awakening has begun!”
    Raven’s heart raced at these words although he did not know why.
    The lady sighed.

    “I would not wish it so , were there another choice,” the Lady whispered. There were tears in her eyes. “It should have, would have been me.....but......!” her words ended in a choked sob.
    “You must do all you can to help her!” she implored him. She stared at the wizard for a long time, then murmured something Raven could not hear.
    The lady turned away and sank back into the depths of the water, she made not a ripple on the surface.
    There appeared a small, sphere shaped object floating on the spot where she had been. It was glinting in the moonlight. The wizard beckoned to it. It floated towards him as if pulled by an invisible string. When it was within reach, the wizard stooped to gather it up. Raven squinted, but could not see what it was.
    The wizard looked out upon the lake and whispered something, Raven thought it sounded like, I love you too!

    Raven did not understand what had just passed between theses two beings, but his body shivered with the chill of a fate sealed. Something had changed in the world tonight and Raven felt tied to it, and he did not like that one bit!

    Submitted on 2004-12-02 15:01:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Intriguing story; yes, it needs some clean-up, but overall it is a good beginning. Good descriptions and creation of characters. I can definitely see a great book coming from this.
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by dreamexandra | [ Reply to This ]

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