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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Picture Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2626/1259/187
    Words: 291
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 1370
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1897



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPicture Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's a lifetime of memories
    Hanging on the wall
    Here's the last one of you and me
    I wasn't very tall

    Pictures and the visions fade
    From color to black and white
    Like the sound of your voice
    As you read to me at night.

    chorus:
    A hundred picture memories
    Are burned into my mind.
    The times we spent together
    Have all been left behind,
    And I still miss you, Daddy,
    Tucking me in at night.

    And though our life here together is through
    I still have picture memories of you.

    Here's one of graduation
    boy we had some fun
    Couldn't wait for adventure
    Our lives had just begun
    The years flew too swiftly
    And we went our separate ways
    Butl I love to sit and think about
    All our wild younger days.

    A hundred picture memories
    Are burned into my mind.
    The times we spent together
    Have all been left behind,
    And I still miss those parties
    And all the crazy things we'd do

    And though young days together are through
    I still have picture memories of you.

    bridge:
    Standing at the alter
    On our wedding day
    We vowed to love forever
    And beside you I would stay
    I never knew how quickly
    That Love would be taken away

    Now a hundred picture memories
    Are burned into my mind
    And the times we spent together
    I can never leave behind
    And one day up in Heaven
    Your love again I'll find

    And though our life here together is through
    I still have picture memories of you

    Yes, until my time here on Earth is through
    I still have picture memories of you.




    Submitted on 2004-12-02 17:15:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      These are really good lyrics Jan, and certainly the rhythm is there and the simple natural flow of the images and emotions.A special tribute to your own Dad, but also to countless other Dads ; you evoke empathy through your photo album tour,- I like the repetition of "picture memories ', it suggests the leafing through of an album. but also says that that album can be an intangible one, locked away in your heart and mind.That to me was the most endearing image of all.

    Two parts that bothered me a bit though wre the stanza about graduation and the wedding day.

    In both of these, you refer to "we", and since the intro was about your father, I assume "we" is you and him. But that doesn't make sense---

    "Here's one of graduation
    boy we had some fun
    Couldn't wait for adventure
    Our lives had just begun
    The years flew too swiftly
    And we went our separate ways
    Butl I love to sit and think about
    All our wild younger days."

    I pondered this a lot, the years flying by could refer to him, but what about "Our lives had just begun" -that seems to mean the grads, on the threshold of their adult lives , as does "our wild younger days" Perhaps you mean to show that you have pictures of your Dad as a young grad, and recall some of the tales he shared with you about his college years. -that would be a really great theme, that you could now relate, having "been there" yourself. I think it needs a little tweaking to clarify who "we. our, us" all refer to.

    Similarly, at the bridge:
    "Standing at the alter (sb "altar")
    On our wedding day
    We vowed to love forever
    And beside you I would stay
    I never knew how quickly
    That Love would be taken away."

    These lines seem to be referring to a husband more than a father,-I think you meant that on that day, as you offically and ritually took leave of of your father, - you and he re-assured one another that you would still always be there for one another, and though you now were assuming the role of wife, your relationship with your father was still the same, if not more deep, because again, you now can relate to Love, marriage, family in a way you couldn't really couldn't before; rather than subtracting (losing) anything, a hubby and family would enhance and strengthen your ties.

    Am I right? Am I close? Or did you mean to recollecting several losses, -that of your dad, some classmates, friends, a husband or lover?

    I realize that the lyric form demands it rhythm and rhymes, and the language can't be overly intricate, but I think both of those stanzas need to be tuned up by more concise use of the pronouns, or perhaps a slightly different turn of the phrase, the tense, or image. I liked my take on it, ---that as you went through these passages, your Dad was there,-now you must travel alone, and even there, you share with your father-the feelings he must have had when his parent(s) passed on.

    Great lyrics, and I know you can make them shine poetic even in this simple framework.
    Silver
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was really well written, with a lot of emotion behind it. I liked the structure of it, it was organized into a wave of thoughts that seemed to come at you at just the right time, every time you needed a new one. It is a linear way of saying things, but in doing so, you made it more effective, because you kept re-tying the past to the present, and kept repeating the idea that what once was still lives sort of.

    This was truly another unique write [another unique may sound like an oxymoron, but really it isnít, because Iíve seen a few unique ones, and this adds to the list. THANK GOD THIS WASNíT BLATANT ANGST!!!]
    Awesome job.
    Keep it up
    ~Spire~
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Spire | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sad! ur flow and scheme is awesome.
    there are times i sit back and reminice about my younger years- reading this write kept my eyes wet.
    its truly from ur heart and thats the best kind of emotion that one can bring into poetry. the ending was real different/unique. it completley fit into the rest of the poem but at the same time it wouldn't be the way other ppl would end their poetry. awesoem job.
    -danny
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by dannyshyboy | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this is so beautiful, my eyes are welling up with tears, just reading it. Pictures are such a gift that allows us to forever freeze a moment, even though time pressures us to carry on.

    The thing I love most about this song is that you capture memories of family, friends, and that special someone: all the special people in someone's life. I also love the order you put them intol. Anybody can relate to this piece, and it will ignite fond feelings and memories in anyone who reads/listens to it.

    This is a fantastic song, and if it ever materialized into a song on the radio, I'd download it, and listen to it over and over again, crying everytime, while staring at frozen memories. Beautiful!
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      yes this was very good. rythm, rhyming everything was great. yes with a lot of emotion with it. the chorus was great! and the repetition of i still have picture memories during the last four lines really boosted the effect. this is unique, i seen so many people write just about anything, nut nothing for their parents (incluiding me) and yes i', working on some thing for my parents too. till then see you around!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well done jan! I'm thinking maybe a piano in this one...kinda like Tori Amos meets Jewel. I love how the piece grows with the character and I can imaging the music as it builds with each repeat of the chorus. I really liked this alot...was bittersweet.

    A treat.

    Nice work
    -Kristina
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


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