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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Metaphoriadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kristina9178
    ASL Info:    32/F/Ft. Lauderdale,FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.56 - 773/719/73
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 891



    Description:
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    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMetaphoriadots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Greek would say
    it is to            carry something across,
    To transfer—
    The mind,
    a prism of brilliant
    wisdom
    to melt a tree
    into a man,
    an emotion
    into a river,
    a windflower
    into love—
    To see something
    as something else,
    and to exist
    within
    the eye of the image.

    It is to seek
    Noesis
    in the gardens of the mind,
    to step through fields
    of mingling vines
    to analyze
    and realize
    the root
    of their existence,
    to ponder
    and interpret
    the smallest
    Dimensions,
    and to experience
    the essence
    of the voice
    through which they speak.












    Submitted on 2004-12-02 23:38:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A rather amazing piece on the metaphor...don't recall every reading anything quite like it, and it is amazingly accurate...wonderful, excellent, superb...you must be an "old hand" at poetry unless I am sadly mistaken...bravo...bravo...BRAVO!!!!
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I'll make this reals short - I enjoyed it, I followed it completely and thought it to be a great read. I would leave more but i don't want you to suffer any redundancies -Over all this brilliant. And if I believed in putting things on my favorites list - I certainly would do that.

    ~Ryan
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by 27_deadpoets | [ Reply to This ]
      Well to be honest, I don't really understand this. It's undoubtably clever and I will be the first to admit that the failings may be within me and not within you. The fact that I've read this a couple of times and am still having trouble with it suggests that it's my problem not yours, especially when I see for how long you've been writing poetry. I hope I haven't caused offence with this, I get the feeling I've only managed to flaunt my ignorance a little. Best of luck anyway.
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Now this is good stuff. It's quite funny how you've managed to separate the literal readers from the actual poets here.

    I find it curious that you've capitalised "Noesis" and "Dimensions" as if these words are the pivot points of your poem. Indeed they may be. Metaphor is dimension, after all - far more than likening something to something else, it makes it reality. For the space of a poem, a tree IS a man. A truly great metaphor will make that transference absolute, so that to look at the one will be to see the other.

    I find "gardens of the mind" to be the slightest bit of a cliché, however it is a nice image and it is rounded out by the next lines. I would also suggest a small relineation here:

    and interpret
    the smallest
    Dimensions

    To experience
    the essence
    of the voice
    through which they speak

    - just to get rid of the repetitive and.

    Regardless, this is a well written (and gasp! poetic!) poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by smartypoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this...The rhythm was great and I think you wrote beautifully, but it seemed a bit choppy to me...I mean lines broken up more than they need to be...but what do I know, I'm just a beginner...Good Job
    | Posted on 2005-08-03 00:00:00 | by t0_eazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Very detailed, but who is Noesis? I am not unfamilliar with Greek mythology (or Roman), and I have never heard mention of such a being. Good use of repetition, but the flow is a little fragmented in the beginning ("A Greek would say/ it is to carry something across"). It does become more clear as the poem progresses, but you might want to choose a different wording there. The rest of the poem, however, is ausome! :3
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't qiute get this one though I read it several times. The language is so different from what I'm used to. Maybe I'll read one of your other pieces later. Sorry.
    -Sageeriol
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this is a precise representation of transference.
    We play a sparkled resonance in another's mind, our own skill gauged by how the effect is defined. If the construction is pure enough, the message extends the
    gap, bridges us as one mind. Even better, if the skill is enough, the energy of a poem extends even farther, opening in us worlds we've not seen before. This piece has that unique quality, masterful!
    Thanks for sharing,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't think of any better way to define poetic metaphor than to say:

    "to melt a tree
    into a man,
    an emotion
    into a river,
    a windflower
    into love"

    Using a set of tried and true metaphors to describe a metaphor was a great way to set up the second stanza, in which you describe a metaphor is such a unique, complete, and thorough way as to make it yours... as if you, yourself had invented metaphor. In the immortal words of 'Dude, Where's My Car', Sweet!
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      so, "Noesis", i'm assuming that's for the transliterated "gnosis", Attic Greek for "knowledge", am i right? what a beautiful poem. very impressive.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      hey ;0)

    nice to read and a very good idea. I just miss a little some more words, to give me a more solid grib, the the seed in the poem. I need to be in the poem, to go back, but the style makes me fly through the poem ;0)

    the smallest
    Dimensions,
    and to experience
    the essence
    of the voice
    through which they speak

    I like your ending ;0)
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read this quite a few times now...the language gets me everytime, but i keep coming back for the content....it is a beautiful description of the metaphor, to describe in perfect detail by speaking of something else, "to carry across," to allow an object completely understood to capture new meaning, new depth, and new form.....but each time i read it, this seemingly simple write about cross comparative language carries across my mind, lighting new ideas and concepts...

    tonight, i think of the afterlife, carrying across semblances of your self, your being....how the process and pursuits of your everyday can transform into the existence and purpose of tommorow....even if those thoughts are not formed in any concrete or material manner....you weave a web, and only in taking another form can you release from it....

    i guess a few bunched up thoughts on this one...the language is strong and clear in the most abstract of ways, which is a beautiful thing....Noesis is a great hint into many new ideas (or old), as well as an education (on many levels...Noesis, Inc. provides lighting for the Pentagon...though only lighting that provides a path)....an excellent and strong write Kristina...Keep it up...
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      hi kristina 0898...
    hope you are well.
    i dont know how i have not read this before, maybe i live with my head up my ar-se?
    at least i would get some peace up there, and its not too hairy like some, so that would be ok when it came to spring cleaning...
    :-l
    so,
    about your piece.
    i think it has the most delicate and sublime rhythm to it, and it seems to fall down the sreen with grace, like a balloon down the stairs.
    it is a shame that you chose to capitalise all the lines, because that seems to interfere with this slightly. i think you could really add some detail and thought into your punctuation [not that you have not]and make this piece even more than what it is...
    i was looking to see what i could point out, but it is difficult to do in bits and pieces, so fu-ck it, i will just do the whole thing, and you can read and think, nah, i' ll leave it as it is:

    'The Greek would say
    it is to
    carry something across,
    to transfer;
    The mind
    a prism of brilliant
    wisdom.
    To melt a tree
    into a man,
    an emotion
    into a river,
    a Windflower
    into love;
    to see something
    as something else,
    and to exist
    Within
    the eye of the image.

    It is to seek
    Noesis
    in the gardens of the mind,
    to step through fields
    of mingling vines:
    to analyze
    and realize
    the root
    of their existence,
    to ponder
    and interpret
    the smallest
    dimensions,
    and to experience
    the essence
    of the voice
    Through which they speak.'

    i dont know, but there you go.
    keeping the odd capital can mean you can make accents where you want them, and i haev only left as i read them , and you may have intended it to be different.

    as for your subject and your voice, there is not much i can say, because i love the way you have approached the piece in a sensitive and humble manner, with minimal words and just enough said, kind of reminds me of the oriental way of life.
    you paint a still life of imagery with just enough hints of colour for them to show without jumping out of the page, as well as offering some insight into the metaphor itself.
    not much more to say, nice
    real nice.
    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this! wonderful and witty and whimsical.
    this actually reminds me of a piece that is traced back to the turn of the century but is copied from a manuscript that was hundreds of years old, i will locate it and p.m. it to you.
    its nothing like this but you will see..
    if i knew how to put this on my faves list i would..
    thank you, sincerely -sinmore
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I can't write to many good comments or they would all sound the same. So all I'm gonna say this time is, this is going to my fav. thnks for shareing it. BRILLIANT!
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      I had to read it a bunch of times, and I still don't thiunk I got it. This makes me sad - you've ruined my day and it just started. Luckily you're attractive so I can let it slide. The only thing I can say is that self-knowledge in this context, gleaned from the gardens of one's mind is spelled 'gnosis.' Other than that I have idea what's going on and I think I better go find a beer =P
    shard
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there...

    I probably read this a dozen times the night/morning/day you posted it, but I was going through a real tough creativity drought at the time, which crossed over the entire spectrum from writing to reading, comprehending, analyzing...I couldn't decifer it, nor put into words how I felt about it. Not sure I'll do any better now, but...

    The title is an often overlooked part of the poem. In this case one would surely be lead to believe this is about metaphors. If it is all I can say is - how [censored] brilliant! Use metaphors to describe metaphors! [censored]! That's so clever!

    Regardless of the meaning, I love the way your words flow together...seamlessly...beautifully. It's always fun to read something that sings like this and with interesting diction...so vibrant.

    You don't need me to tell you you're a [censored] genius, but anyway...you're a [censored] genius.

    I just felt I had to let you know I read it (several times) and I love your work. Next time I'll find something to say as soon as you submit it, so please let me know. I'd stalk you but it would kinda be like stalking a tree.

    Peace
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      They aren't called greeks? Because I'd put and S on there. That's my only nit...The blank space you left was very innovative....the was a wonderful changing rhythm to the words with some nice rhyme for variation. The ideas and phrasing were smashing. 8-9 /10
    | Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I am afraid I will have to admit that I did not get this poem. Does that make me dumb, or uninteresting? Or does that make this poem dumb, or uninteresting? Is this poem way over my head, or way below my head? I looked at the other comments, but they only seemed to add more question marks.

    I wonder, can our two worlds get intimate, and exchange poetic juices? At the abstract and intellectual level ofcourse. My subconscious screams, more juice! Or maybe I'm just tired and need more coffee.

    What the greek say confused me, does the space symbolise distance? You need distance to bring something across, otherwise it would already be there. Otherwise I was puzzled. Perhaps you created too much distance, and failed to carry something across. Or maybe you did carry something across, but is it too big or too small for me to see?

    Something hints this poem could be about metaphors, which would give this poem a sort of pseudo-intellectual depth. Like a metaphor about metaphors.

    But where are you in this poem? It seems you are hiding behind metaphors. I'd like to hear your voice though, and experience the absorbation of your essence.

    Give me your essence!
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      Euphoric metamorphosis. I feel like this is your slant on the same topic as my recent poem on comprehension. But perhaps taken a step farther, past just the observation of details, to listening to things as well. You speak in terms of personification, melting trees into men, and then reverse it, emotions become rivers. These are how elements in life strike the poets mind.
    Dual impressions.
    I liked your conclusion, interpreting the smallest dimensions and listening to the voice with which things speak.
    Guess you just got lucky two times in a row.
    Nah.
    Good work,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      If by "The Greek" you mean El Greco, the artist, and if your space is not intentional, and you seek a word, I suggest emotional. After all it was the emotion in his paintings that made him renown. I believe your poem is about seeing things through other eyes, looking past the obvious and into the depths of things. Many artists draw/paint from variant points of view. To present these images and to achive acceptance requires an enormous talent. We as observers cannot always see what the artist intended, we have no Noesis, no appreciation for that particular vision.
    I loved your poem. It delivered the message of trying to see another side to things. Well done!

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm always keen on word derivations, so the first line is great. I like how you explain the definition of metaphor with
    :
    To melt a tree
    Into a man,
    An emotion
    Into a river,
    A windflower
    Into love—

    because that's exaclty what metaphors do (That sounded way more intelligent in my head). You don't read the word noesis often in poems, so I appreciate that. I like how you talk about metaphor using the "gardens of the mind" metaphor. I like how this is so reflective. It's like a hall of mirrors.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      In the gardens of the mind,
    To step through fields
    Of mingling vines
    To analyze
    And realize
    The root
    Of their existence,
    To ponder
    And interpret
    The smallest
    Dimensions,
    And to experience
    The essence
    Of the voice
    Through which it speaks.

    what a beautiful way to explain how to really see into something, really deep, and extricate its meaning and how it speaks to you! simply brilliant, my dear! the garden of your mind is certainly a fertile place! i must admit, though, i do not know what noesis means, and when i went to find it in the on-line dictionary, i couldn't get anywhere! anyway, this is a magnificent piece, really. i thoroughly enjoyed it and am glad that you are writing again!
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes the Greek would say that it is to carry, that the metaphor is more than just transposing to form better understanding of words and ideas. It is a philosophy that provides for a better understanding of self.
    I think this is a particularly stimulating write yet you have set it out in a way that meanders almost effortlessly from one idea to the next, but each gets its turn in the sun.
    I like the rhyming and the being told.
    I think that this says a lot and each reader will glean what they need from it.
    For me, I came away feeling rested and nodding to myself in a sage sort of way, without feeling the need to stroke my chin...
    Delightful.
    Insightful.
    And it hits the spot.
    Later,
    K
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry, but I just don't get this at all.

    Just kidding.

    This was a bit of a different write for you, which is great as I love it when people venture out of their comfort zones and try new and different things. I think you did a good job of constructing this piece.

    I read through it once the first time but didn't quite get it at first. Then I reread and really looked. The first thing that stood out (almost glaring, really) was the blank spacing in the second line. At first, i thought your intent was a sort of 'fill-in-the-blank' experiment. (The human mind, it seems – well, mine at least, doesn't like to see empty spaces where it wants or expects to see words, so it automatically tries to fill the space with something of its own.)

    But I soon realized that was not the case. So then what was the reason for the spacing? It certainly wasn't a random or an accidental format thing, as you obviously deliberately intended for the spacing to be there only, in that specific line. Then I 'connected' with the rest of the line, "carry something across", and realized that it was for effect, a sort of invisible or subliminal metaphor ( more on that word in a moment ) if you will – forcing the mind to bridge a gap or make a jump from one side to the other, which of course, fits in very neatly with the meaning of the word.

    Then i looked at all of the metaphors you used throughout the poem. Good metaphors too, I might add - well worded. And then things began to click. The key for me, was the title. 'Metaphoria'. Thank you for that. Without it, it would have taken me a bit longer to figure it out or to 'get it', as you put it.

    The poem is about metaphors and how the mind visualizes, uses or interprets them. Very cool. Way to look at the mind. Back to some of the metaphors... The first stanza was great. Even just knowing that you were using 'melt a tree into a man' as a specific example of the use of metaphor, I could actually envision the metaphor in my mind... seeing the tree trunk morph into a man's body in the dark woods. And emotion as a river was good too. And then there was 'The mind a prism of brilliant wisdom'. I *loved* that one.

    The second stanza was even better than the first. I loved the thought of mingled vines as (intertwined?) thoughts. Your choice of metaphors in this verse worked flawlessly and they fit together like hand in glove.

    One quick note - Greek should be 'Greeks' I think, though it could be debatable. Looking back at the blank spacing - it's use here was a stroke of brilliance I think.

    Oh, btw, I'm not afraid to admit that you made me look up a word. 'Noesis'. Grrr. Yeah, ya made me work a little on this one, but I learned something new. Not an easy thing for me these days, lol. Good job you!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hiya Kris, I'm gonna comment first on a technical basis and then follow that up with my impression.
    First off, I think that some of the punctuation could be used to help clarify a few parts. The first one is this:
    "To transfer—
    The mind
    A prism of brilliant
    Wisdom"
    Do you mean to transfer a prism of brilliant wisdom into the mind by using a metaphor, or that the mind is a prism of brilliant wisdom? Because in a sentence.. "To transfer- the mind a prism of brilliant wisdom" It's not really working for me and I'm not sure exactly what you mean. If it's to transfer the wisdom to the mind, I think a comma after mind would do the trick, if it's the mind that is the prism, a semi-colon or the em dash (how do you do those, by the way?) removed to come after mind.
    Sorry to go on, but I was a tad confused there.

    I think a period would do better than a comma after the "existence" in S2, as there aren't any at all in the piece but there are commas and dashes and so it gives a slight feel of run on. I want to take my time reading this but my brain is attuned to the intricacies of grammar and punc and so it carries me along with small pauses. I'd like for the magnitude of the words to sink in before I continue on to the next.

    Now. What I like about this is that it is a metaphor within a metaphor, and an explanation of their very function. The first stanza served to present examples in a clear and lucid manner that is instantly recognisable; sometimes writes like this, which is to say, intelligent pieces of work, can be difficultto understand. I'm not really intellectually inclined and find it difficult to notch my brain up to that higher level necessary for deep thinking. But this:
    "To melt a tree
    Into a man,
    An emotion
    Into a river,
    A windflower
    Into love—"
    Was perfect. The best things come in threes, a divine number that appeals to us all and the group serves its purpose well in portraying the definitions of metaphors well. (Did you mean "wildflower", however? I've never heard of a windflower, as beautiful as it sounds.)

    I like then how you continue to explain what it is a metaphor does;
    "To see something
    As something else,
    And to exist
    Within
    The eye of the image."
    Perfect. We cannot show people our hearts and minds as they have no real tangible presence outside of us. However we can show them the closest thing which embodies the very essence of that; I myself, have used a tree to explain a man and his qualities. So you really chipped into me and- *throws up hands* well, isn't the VERY aim you had? If there is something that we ALL know, and it embodies, like I said, the feeling you wish to convey, then the metaphor is right.

    Now, I like even more that you explained their purpose. So far we have seen what metaphors are and what they do, now, we find out WHY. And in order to explain that, you use a metaphor to show us. With the garden. And in keeping continuity, you went one step further utilising vines, leaves, roots... to totally complete and complement your ideas. It elaborates on the functions and drive behind the writer's use of metaphors... to capture the essence of that which brings them to write in the first place.
    This is very, very good Kris. You should be proud, and I think this is the best thing I've seen from you so far.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this is unlike nething that i have ever read before. jermwern passed on your name to me and said that you are a great read. so here i am. i actually like this. a lot. i think that you have something that a lot of other people dont. you can take "just words" and make them mean so much more. that takes talent and passion for something that you do. well. lets just say i liked it a lot. thanks for shareing it actually. i read it couple times through just because i thought that it was interesting and wanting to read it again just to make sure that i didnt miss nething. well again, good write. i am interested and excited to read more.

    -Sierra
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]


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