join the army by poetsoul

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Submission Name: join the army dots

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Author:	poetsoul
ASL Info:	17/f/cali
Elite Ratio:	2.47 - 109/151/32
Words:	101

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	298
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	697

Description:
i wrote this about a potential great friend afterhe told me he joined the army, it made me angry and sad and i felt helpless, im sorry tryst.

join the army dots

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sign your life away
with red ink.
you cant turn back,
withought the word dishonorable hanging above your head.
so your stuck.
you'll allways have the brand.
Its carved into your soul,
burned into your innocence,
charred to black dust.
all thats left of you
is your physical presence.
You used to kill because of your orders,
but you kill now to feel....
feel anything,
because you lost that along time ago.
They sucked out your life slowly and painfully,
with their conformity.
i warned you,
i begged you,
i hated you,
and still you joined the army.

Submitted on 2004-12-03 13:27:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  this is a powerful peice, i'll say it hurt when i just read it, it hurt alot but this is what poetry is all about. I never want you to be sorry you posted something, in the poem you say i kill to feel.
I say we poets feel more than our share of emotions, we feel 10x more and we passionatly write all down, holding nothing back for the beauty of the world. this is the gift and the curse that has been bestowed upon us.
~Tryst
| Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
  just a few words on a great poem..
1) on important papers such a these, you would have to use black or blue ink, its a goverment thing. But I am wondering, did you use the red ink, to imply blood? that would be a good image...
2) allways...always
3)not too sure about that line: feel anything, does it really fit in there?
4) the use of the lowercase "i", did you do that on purpose? if you did then ...smart girl, I think it ties well to the end, Your words and advise ment so little to him at the time...the use of the lower case "i" shows this well.
great work poetsoul!
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
  i cannot begin to say how much this hit me. my friend took off one day and left me. a few months later i found him and he was in the army. 2 days after he got out of boot camp they took him to germany for 2 years. i begged him not to join, and he did anyway. it's hard and it hurts especially when you don't get to talk to them as much and worry if they'll come home. u just gotta get past the anger and be there for them to help them feel loved. this is great did you ever show it to him?
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the over all poem itself but not really sure about the message that I perceived as the Army being such a horrible thing, my husband is in the Army and I know first hand the pains of missing him and fearing for his life, but this is the path he chose and I must stand by him, All the deaths you hear of is a result of mass communication (media) they only want you to hear the bad side of things, because the good things would bore us all to death. sorry I'm rambling it'a just these sort of poems get me every time. any way good luck to your friend and thanks for challenging me to think lol
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Broken Angel | [ Reply to This ]
  withought the word dishonorable hanging

^ ok... dont get the withought but thats maybe cuz i never heard the word before.

because you lost that along time ago.

^along should be a long

I thought you had a magnificant beginning to this piece and i don't get what is he feeling? Anything...like what?
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by BenevolantWords | [ Reply to This ]
  In my opinion the message is fine. It's how you feel. I don't hinestly feel that there is any justifiable reason for war; it's time we evole into more compassionate people. I like the raw feeling conveyed. Couldn't find withought in the dictionary so I'm guessing you ment without. thanks for the read. peace
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
  I also understand the message. I understand everything going on right now is chaotic. I wanted to say that I am proud of anyone that joins the military especially at a time like this. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for something. To stand up for millions of people and God's work. BRAVO. Sorry I don't agree with the meaning of this poem. The structure itself. Good. I think that it could be cleaned up a little bit. Then that aspect of it would be okay.
| Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]

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