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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unlearning, Forgettingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 363



    Description:
       This is fresh from my brain to you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnlearning, Forgettingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unlearning,
    forgetting
    are easier when involuntary,
    but attempts to erase you
    from my mind
    backfire.
    Memories flood my eyes,
    a quick fire slideshow,
    and trying not to love you
    stabs my heart with agony.
    I beg it to stop
    not caring whether
    it's the pain or the organ.




    Submitted on 2004-12-03 13:57:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I was just browsing through and what a gem I've discovered! It's a bad comment to say "I can relate!" but really,I can. :)
    I like the last few lines : I beg it to stop/Not caring whether/It's the pain or the organ.
    So pithy yet to the point. Anyone trying to forget someone would love this.
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good. Very minimal, yet it says so much. I actually gasped at the last line. I guess I didn't expect it. But it was wonderful and sad, if that makes sense.
    It sucks how the more you try to forget something/someone, the more you can't forget it. Anyway, the organ stopping for some reason really got me. And I like the term "unlearning." Very good write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Agony seems to be a word you like huh? Lol. I think u mentioned it before in another poem (which means im reading ) anyway, I like this one better- keep it upss
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by BenevolantWords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It's true the very things you try to forget are the very things you remember forever. Maybe we just work too hard trying. Broken hearts ad dreams seem to be at the top of the list of things that can't be unlearned. Well done. I like as is.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Its good. While I was reading it I was able to think back on a stitation that would fit what you wrote, and I like that...It had good feeling.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by sone | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch! Now that's some kind of bad memories to wish your heart to cease beating. I'm glad to see you continuing your exploration of the erasing memory theme. The deeper you dig the more you reveal...
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa! This is crazy! Very different. That's why I like it. I like to see different things. This was a very serious piece though. Unique.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i have alot of bad memories that i wish i didnt have. it is true that the bad memories that u try to forget never leave u. this was a nice way to write about that. it seems like u have a gift to write about anything u want! hehe.
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      well, everytime I drive home or back to Erlangen I forget something. that's just a matter of fact.
    anyway it's true. you can't forget the things you wish to cause they're usually burned in your memory forever. while the good ones, the times you want to remember fade like an old photograph with time. I like the title very much, it fits well. and it's a really good poem. wouldn't change a thing. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. Sad, and good. :) I like this part.
    "Stabs my heart with agony
    I beg it to stop
    Not caring whether
    It's the pain or the organ"

    The pain or the organ. Very brilliantly thought out in my opinion. It's interesting that you come up with things like this that just pull at your own heart strings. Good job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Succinct, true, effective. Perhaps quick fire might work better as rapid-fire here.
    A stanza break after that line, that's a possibility too. Dropping the bridge "and"
    Starting out new with "trying not to love..."
    Or not.
    Nice, again,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Memories flood my eyes
    A quick fire slide show
    Trying not to love you

    This is the cream filled center of your write, all the rest spells out the difficulty in knowing love stopped. The heart and soul might know an ending's come but they come to awareness slowly, maybe like the dawn takes a certain amount of time. Very descriptive, especially of feelings and your images hit home. Great job.
    Hugs, nan

    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      you capture your feelings quite well in so few words. This brings to mind similar feelings that I have for my ex-fiance, and of the movie 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'. if only we could irradicate the pain...life would be so much more beautiful. good read
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      I beg it to stop
    Not caring whether
    It's the pain or the organ

    man... i so feel like this though it wasnt until i read this poem that i realise that this is excatly how i feel... i want the pain of loving and losing him gone and i quite dont mind how it happens really... anythings gotta be better than this...
    this is a very powerful write thats evoked a lot in me anyways... some things just cant be unlearnt i guess...
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked everything except the use of the word "organ." don't know why. it almost sounds perverse to me, but perhaps my mind is perverse! lol! not really... i know the feeling, though, of not being able to forget someone. and it is best when it just happens, involuntarily. can't make it happen no matter how hard you try. bummer...
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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