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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kodydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 989
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1092



    Description:
       This is my Kody poem, I think everyone should write one. He represents what you need him to and in this case, he represents one of my friends a few months back.I have more than one, but the name Kody just works and he's always a different character.Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKodydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kody sat on the park bench
    looked down at his feet
    buried his face in his hands
    and cried himself to sleep
    Kody walked to the mailbox
    opened it to the emptiness inside
    sat down on the pavement and looked into the sky
    he's made mistakes
    until he can't deal with himself
    he hurts: it won't go away
    and nothing seems to help
    Kody knows pain
    it burns him inside
    and Kody knows shame
    till he has to run and hide
    he pulls the trigger to what he thinks will set him free
    he lays on the park bench insilent misery
    Kody doesn't live life
    he runs away
    and as he presses the knife
    blood pours from his veins
    his girlfriend holds him
    he is touched by her tears
    and he knows more than pain
    he see's the worste of his fears
    he's filled with regret
    wishes he hadn't touche dthe knife
    he whispers a silent " I'm sorry"
    and they are the last words of his life




    Submitted on 2004-12-03 21:15:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was always my favorite poem of yours jaz, this is jess by the way, when you were in the bathroom, you are back now, so bye bye and great write.

    later
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is really really intense. I like the way you presented the charactor. Im confused about the gun...then the knife...so did he try to kill himself with a gun and failed? The way you discribe his regret is beautiful. I love the last lines too...about his last words. Overall a great poem. Just as I said, I'm a bit confused on the gun/knife thing. But eh...maybe I'm just not getting it.
    ~jane
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by Jane Lost | [ Reply to This ]
      heh. this was good at the beggining. but then the ending was just so. cliché. i dunno everyone's sick of hearing about people cutting themselves. its quite a ridiculous way of dealing with life. sorry but up until the knife was involved, it was good. now its just looking quite emo goth.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]
      oh poor kody. he didn't give himself a chance to see how his life could have gotten better! it's a sad story that happens to many people.leaves you feeling empty inside. great work lori-tab! i enjoyed this so much.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, I think this is very well written, and I like how you use the name "Kody", because it gives the character just a little more depth than saying he or she all the time. Great idea. Now the story itself I was a little bit confused about. He's depressed, and lonely? But he has a girlfriend? and somehow he's pulling the trigger of a gun to end his pain and using a knife all at once? Did I miss something or did he kill himself once and then come back to do it again? Actually, honestly I think this would work better just to end it like this.

    Kody sat on the park bench
    looked down at his feet
    buried his face in his hands
    and cried himself to sleep
    Kody walked to the mailbox
    opened it to the emptiness inside
    sat down on the pavement and looked into the sky
    he's made mistakes
    until he can't deal with himself
    he hurts: it won't go away
    and nothing seems to help
    Kody knows pain
    it burns him inside
    and Kody knows shame
    till he has to run and hide
    he pulls the trigger to what he thinks will set him free
    he lays on the park bench in silent misery
    Kody didn't live life
    he ran away
    Abandoning all solutions
    In favor of ending his days.

    I mean, that's only because I don't know what's going on after that, and I could just be not getting it, and your intent with this is clearly obvious. But if I'm not seeing it, then maybe some people aren't seeing it as well? Anyway, other than that ending, maybe you could add more about his tendancy to cut and then skip the part about the gun. I don't know, but I think this just needs to be clarified. Otherwise, I really like the way your rhyme wasn't blatantly obvious, and I do really like your "kody" idea. Keep writing-Vanessa
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by srcastic1 | [ Reply to This ]


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