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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wedding Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: grinninggashes
    ASL Info:    17/f/from sumwhere :)
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 154/124/25
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1479
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 681



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWedding Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As he looks at his young blushing bride,
    he begins to slowly ease himself inside.
    Smiling with ear to ear with pride
    As he places one hand on her thigh
    she moans and lets out a little cry

    *Tonights the night she looses all her innocence*

    As he thrusts himself deeper for their pleasure
    her eyes grow big with wonder

    *Why haven't I done this sooner?"

    He rests his head on her shoulder
    "my love, I can't wait no longer"
    He makes one last final thrust
    and wiht that hes earned her soul and trust
    forever she will be his blushing bride




    Submitted on 2004-12-03 21:51:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      *coughs on DanShilton* jesus christ i just read paradise lost- it's like milton all over again... hehehe ...Shmilton. *HA!* i shouldn't make fun of that, i know- how uncouth of me. but it is nearing 4am and i am a little loopy! i enjoyed this piece- pure and true loss of innocence through the bindings of marriage... awww. but who the hell can hold out that long? *md*
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very unique piece. I like it. I especially like how she lost her innocence on her wedding night. That tells what type of person you are. By the way, if that is your picture, you are a very beautiful young lady. "Why haven't I done this sooner"? That;s amazing to sort of write from the guys point of view. And I like how you left gaps for each individual person's imagination. And that guy who said something about three thrusts, we know what type of guy you are too-Minute Man. lol. Okay Ms. Cooper, keep doing what ya doing.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to admit that I'm a dork and was thinking 1,2,3 that's it? lol I only counted three thrusts if i was that bride I'd be like and I waited for...this lol but that's just my twisted thinking...

    I agree with some of the others, it needed more passion..make me feel the blush in my cheeks...let me feel his passion at taken her to places never before seen.

    :)
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice! a little explicit... but it was really good nonetheless! I like that she waited for her wedding night to lose her virginity, something i wish i would have done... now I can no longer dream bout what it'll be like... anyways, I loved this!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice! a little explicit... but it was really good nonetheless! I like that she waited for her wedding night to lose her virginity, something i wish i would have done... now I can no longer dream bout what it'll be like... anyways, I loved this!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your style of writing, straightforward,but with flare for excitement and soulfulness.

    I have never read or wrote a wedding poem, I enjoy yours,ty
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      lmao. this is weird. man, people who wait till sex till their wedding night...chances are the girl has waited. and the guy has already had his frat boy days and is just marrying the girl because she's a virgin. and he'll prob go cheat on her after she's not virgin enough anymore. lol. sorry. divorce. lol. man i'm so pessimistic. bahahhaa.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm, this was..interesting. A portrait of male dominance perhaps? I don't think I've ever read a wedding poem quite like this, although I haven't read many wedding poems in the first place. Are you sure she's enjoying herself? It's sort of hard to say. Well, whatever, it wasn't a bad piece. I guess I just expected a little more emotion about a wedding night then what sounds like a mental commentary of a guy who's primary goal seems to be to maintain a steady partner for getting laid. Not that there's anything wrong with the way it's written. Although I think maybe you meant to say "Smiling from ear to ear with pride" in the third line, and there are some other grammatical things that you might not have seen. Ok, I guess I like the structure, and the rhyme. I don't know, I guess maybe the content wasn't exactly suited to my taste, that's all, just seemed not quite right for a guy to be thinking all of that with no apparent sentiment on his wedding night of all nights. But maybe you meant it that way. Either way, interesting idea, keep writing. -Vanessa
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by srcastic1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow..lol..um..interesting..i guess...lol.. uhh...nice flow...it doesnt seem too passionate..like storm said..it seems too straight forward..but otherwise its a good write..
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by FadedSilence | [ Reply to This ]
      that was good.. but u should add more emotion to it.. its romance in my view.. passionate too but not heavily.. which is good.. nice job.. keep it up..
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by AnointedPoetess | [ Reply to This ]


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