Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kalidoscopeeyes
    ASL Info:    18/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 122/151/29
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 605



    Description:
       something different...?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    "You can only understand a person
    if you feel them in yourself."
    Well, you're in every pigment
    that flows from this dangerous pen.
    I'm using your empty veins
    to sew these eyes open.
    I can see now.
    And that halo on your head
    is quickly slipping.
    Your words took the perfect form,
    but your skin is cracking now
    and your bones are snapping.
    You're no angel.
    I know that now
    and I'm going to let you bend and break
    because I refuse to piece this lie back together this time.




    Submitted on 2004-12-03 23:08:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very good. I like the idea of stitching eyes open, and doing it with his empty veins. Kind of like saying he has no bloodflow-being heartless or cold.

    words in perfect form, with skin that breaks, kind of ironic. Cold and dead, sort of. Sorry I have to cut this short, but it was very well written. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-03 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      'that halo on your head is quickly slipping off.' okay that line stuck with me. i like the idea that it doesn't just go out...it kinda slides away. Kind of like when you lose faith in someone...it kinda feels like they're slipping away. Broken Angel...nah too broad a title. i agree...you can only understand a person if you can see part of them in yourself.

    Nice poem, as usual, Danielle.
    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by Astarael | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a lot of interesting images. I like how you say this person is in the ink. I like the idea of using veins to sew eyes open (It sounds like something that would be on Itchy and Scratchy from the Simpsons). I think I'd say slipping over "slipping off" because it doesn't lose any meaning, and ending a sentence with a preposition is grammatically incorrect.
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    35845

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry