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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Everydaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 504



    Description:
       This is the first poem I've have ever written. I like it because it was kind of like my new beginning. It was a way for me to express myself without hurting anyone or anything. I wrote it in the 8th grade, 2 years ago.
    I hope you guys and gals like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEverydaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyday of my life,
    I wish I would have used the knife,
    To take me from this living Hell.
    All my secrets I'll never tell.

    All day I sit and all I do,
    Is sit, and moan, and cry "Boo hoo."
    I sit, I moan, I wail, I cry.
    I wish someday that I will die.

    But in my heart its pure as gold,
    The secret truth I've left untold.
    Embroideried in gold upon my heart,
    There lies a rose. No knife or dart.




    Submitted on 2004-12-04 10:28:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      heyhey,
    i think there's too much of a contrast in the poem. the first 2 stanzas are really straight forward then suddenly in the last part it tlks of ''Embroideried in gold upon my heart,
    There lies a rose.''- tht IS very intrigueing and poetic but the contrast still bugs me a bit. i did like this poem tho becuz it was simple and very honest. i think every teen can relate to this.
    thnx for sharing.

    love ~*~Anoutia~*~
    p.s - i hope i spelled 'intrigueing' correctly (im so crap at spelling :p)
    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by Clementina oso | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Not a bad first poem, it seems to me that you are trying to say you are not like what you act deep down, that the secret you can't is that your pure and lovable, but only hidden under the pain others have caused and put you in. Although others say that they don't think the contrast is too much, I don't because in the beginning in the description, you say that this was a start of a new begining and i think that such a contrasts shows the reader that you are finally embracing who you are, and pushing away all other hurts and painful things others have done to you , and giving the world the true you the one that is soft as a rose and rich in thought and adittude and personallity and that is your gold in the heart. My only suggestion would be to make another stanza bridging the gap from the depressed and hidden life into the knew you the true you. Anyways It is a most excellent write for your first peice, especially if written in eighth grade, for I am sure you have grown so much more since then in your writing. Thanks again for sharing this wonderful peice.
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]


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