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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vermilion Sunrisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Me Rambling
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 279/319/51
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 1170
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1032



    Description:
       It has begun...

    I'm not a poet; don't critique my rhyme or flow. If anything rhymes here I wasn't consciously trying to make that happen.

    Enjoy and thanks for reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVermilion Sunrisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once hidden behind my concertina, I was protected from all intrusions. But it, along with my wall, has crumbled, and I'm left standing naked in the open.

    Wind blows against my face; my hair unparts and flies freely against the sky. My dying, blood-shot eyes stare blindly into the sun; once upon a time I'd say "my life must be done."

    New faces stare back, confused and dumbfounded; I feel separated from all reason, but sense this is where I belong. I notice my hand outreached before me with an open palm.

    Fingertips trace a picture on my skin; my chest feels heavy; my face is warm. Everything I feel tells me my new time has finally begun.

    She stands out in the crowd, and wears a different shade of red...

    Her light reflects my inner sun, and the pain bottled up inside of me screams out in muffled agony. She is the one, and within her, my power will rise; staring back at the skyline, I know this is my Vermilion Sunrise.




    Submitted on 2004-12-05 16:31:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      duuude.

    concertina??? for real? don't tell me you play the accordion...

    that would be nuts! a badass, gangster, accordion player... tsk tsk (haha anyway... side tracking it for you...)



    it feels a little dated. old. musty pages in a leather-bound book. sort of old, but somehow universal and yet very internal. very much something for you to work out/written for yourself.



    nice.
    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]
      sup with it papi,
    You're more of a poet then you think you are. This was entirely beautiful. Your imagery is definitely on point. Then i'm proud that you are in my age range and composing such beautiful pieces as this.

    Love and Peace

    Wynne (wine) Devereaux
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by Wynne Devereaux | [ Reply to This ]
      This was reminiscent of me when i first read it. I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn't. It really is a small world isn't it. We all have something in common...except the "she's the one..."part. I've never really believed that.

    P.S.: you give yourself too little credit. You'd be suprised what poetry is...every beat of your heart!
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      You accidently sent me a message. So I decided to read some of your work.
    This is lovely.
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the line "Her light reflects my inner sun." It contains so much beauty, its put together nicely.
    As for the rest of the poem, I enjoyed it.
    Good work and good luck
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      that vermillion...and I love the line "her light reflects my inner sun" I read that line like 5 times. Let her know, if you see her in that kind of light, the kind that is lit in your core...you should definately let her know. Keep the writting up, and keep me postd on new ones.
    Jaymi
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      i must admit i had to look up the word "vermillion." your first lines made me think of how i hide behind my guitar when i perform. take it away, and i feel naked... i am glad that you were able to allow yourself to let someone into your life. "Her light reflects my inner sun" is a beautiful sentiment.
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very romantic. I hope you find the strength to show this to that wonderful person. She might think you only know her as a friend as well, you never know till you try. I think that you should show her, it will keep you from always wondering 'what if'. Even if she doesn't feel the same way about you *which I think she would after seeing what a sweetie you are!* it will still make you feel better. This line is really great,
    " She stands out in the crowd, and wears a different shade of red... "
    Good piece.

    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      *smiles girlishly, as she tilts her head, observing you * Ahh, yes! I understand the consequences of being intruded –yet not within its typical context. I think your pieces are, indeed manifesting themselves through rapid bouts of evolution. Each piece, I view –I tend to quietly observe your dashing progress!
    Your language is sophisticated and articulate, utilising words in which form to reflect more than one definition, your words are multifaceted and intact. ‘Naked’ –another word for nude –yet within this circumstance, you have demonstrated feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, fragility, etc. Your metaphors perplex me, in ways you are oblivious to see - “Vermilion sunrise”. The imagery is astounding, as well as effective! One picture paints a thousand words, no? Well in this case, yes! You are ever-changing, ever- evolving. Thank you for sharing this piece, with us. I am truly grateful. ~Snow White~
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Romanticist | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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