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    dots Submission Name: I Can Feel You Watching medots

    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 552


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Can Feel You Watching medots

    Don't hate me if,
    I smile as you bleed,
    It's been so long,
    I just wish it was me.

    The monster inside,
    Trying to get free,
    Tearing my skin,
    Causing me to bleed.

    I'm sorry I'm so weak,
    I didn't mean for it to be this way,
    I can't find what I seek,
    And it feels like I am running away.

    I can feel you watching me,
    The scars that mar my skin.
    Judging me by what you see,
    Disregarding whats within.

    Submitted on 2004-12-05 16:49:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey- nice take on the subject. Very new, very out-of-the-typical... not the one doing it, but the one watching someone do it and wishing she was doing it... and 'mar' is okay like it is... it is a word, and used correctly no less. The third stanza is saying a lot, but it is rather bland. Give it some color to match the rest of the poem! The rest is just fine, except you need an apostrophe in 'whats'... I like how you approached this, kudos. *md*
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      woah...the poem is sad but really awesome...ive felt like this, so i know what you are goin through and al i can say is that i hope you find light in this world of darkness...well again ver good poem..bye
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      okay...wow, whoa...so much youre saying in this poem, its so sad...but wow its so good. keep it up...writing is a good way to express yourself and i think thats exactly what you were doings its good not to hold your feelings deep down inside.. i think i know exactly what you mean/or what youre trying to say...ppl judge by whats on the outside..and other things. but hey keep it up, i loved it... but one think you may need to fix...
    on this line...
    The scars that mar my skin.

    should mar be mark???
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by Aryeeka | [ Reply to This ]
      Your work often expresses pain and the darker side of human emotion which is cool I guess but I really enjoy reading yours because its so honestly brutal.You put a face on tragedy with your words.Kind of like giving heartache sex appeal. This piece is very good as I have come to expect from you.Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by DarkenedSoul | [ Reply to This ]

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