Description: I don't know whether it's just an Aquarian thing or whether I'm going through some sort of emotional turmoil but I suddenly have this angst about something happening to my loved ones... weird...
Be Still -------------------------------------------
as if you were
going to be
ripped tragically
from my arms,
I brace myself
against the
onslaught of
misery and fear
and place a
protective layer
over my touch
definitely made me stop and think about my little one, I only have her half the time and I feel so helpless when she isn't with me...anyway, short and simple and to the point, I like it...
I used to worry about my kids this way. I finally discovered it's related to a need to control and I have relaxed quite a bit-although I still worry. they are mostly grown now but it's a mother's nature I guess.
Ahhh, yes i know exactly what you mean ( I am an Aquarian btw ). There is some times that sense of foreboding,-and it is so hard to "shake", at least for me. because so often there has proved a reason for feeling so.I quite liked the end part "and place a protective layer over my touch"- to me that may not only mean that you are trying to protect those you love, but also that you are steeling yourself, preparing for a possible sudden tragic event that will separate you from your loved ones(s). You have already stated that "I brace myself against the/onslaught of/misery and fear " so I am more inclined to read the final lines as your donning a suit of armor, -fireproof gloves-something to protect YOU from the terrible pain that these fears, realized, would cause you. This is very powerful in an abrupt and honest fashion, and i think i understand the feeling all too well. Silver
I sincerely hope you're wrong about this feeling, and all you're loved ones are well. The inversion works perfectly in this piece, creating just enough tension until the meaning arrives. I love "place a protective layer over my touch." The angel Michael is known as the protector, and is known to provide a "cloak" when asked to protect our loved ones. Many blessings and may your fears be calmed. nansofast
considering where you live, this is a very real fear indeed. must be hard to live on that edge day after day. again, you have managed to express yourself quite eloquently in just a few lines.
..place a protective layer over my touch
would that we could do that for our loved ones, what a beautiful thing it would be!
I understand you poem entirely, the fear of injury to loved ones is universal and wonting to protect them is just as strong. Your poem will be understood by eveyone, I hope.
ive been in that state of reality before when i was sure everyone was gonna leave me somehow and i just pushed them all away so they couldnt leave me... so i was leaving them first... anyways this is a very powerful poem... its like im only reading part of it though... like walking in half way through a conversation yet im hearing enough to know what it is you are talking about. its not everyone who can successfully do that and especially in so few words... i really like this.
i like the footprint that this piece has that you have posted here. as far as being a deep and involving piece of poetry, well i think it is not so. but that is not to degrade your piece, because i dont think you intended it to be that way.
it is very honest.
the punctuation is excellent in this piece. most people either overwork it or take it all out, and you have done neither. the lack of capitalisation works because it complements the capitalisation of 'I.' and then the comma that breaks the piece in two; this works well and is also timed so. as a result you achieve your thoughts in a well mannered and conveyed way, and your words are given more meaning because you have done the smaller, but in my opnion as important things, well. it is a little alone here, and it would be nice to see words like this contained within a piece that had direction and meaning. but it is what it is, and thats cool. no fu-ckin problem at all. www.on1eday.co.uk
I have the same fear. I dream about my family members getting hurt or killed. It's scary. This is a poignant piece. I like the idea of a "protective layer/over my touch."
Submission Name: Be Still
). There is some times that sense of foreboding,-and it is so hard to "shake", at least for me. because so often there has proved a reason for feeling so.I quite liked the end part "and place a protective layer
