Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hell?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bentnotbroken
    ASL Info:    25+/m/middle of nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 351/260/38
    Words: 29
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1086
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 225



    Description:
       something a little different.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHell?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Robots and zombies roam the building.
    Prisoners are escorted to their tortures.
    Overseers crack their whips,
    and the melancholy laborers preform their tasks.
    Not Hell,
    just a typical Monday.




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 07:59:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent job!
    In the few short words used you expressed a very good feeling of a workers life
    You captured the emotion starting a work week perfectly
    Great Write
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha! Oh this is good, very good indeed! Mondays just suck soooo bad and you have done a brilliant job of describing them! You could have gone on and on with this and still probably wouldn't have been any better than it already is! I like that the ending is so unexpected! Catches ya off guard! Good stuff! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      mondays... you gotta love them...
    haha... this is sheer brilliance!
    monday.. hell... perhaps its all the same thing...?
    different is always good... this was good.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good poem but mabey you should try to add a little more to your poems then it might be a little better. Oh and the last line I think should have a period also.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Draco | [ Reply to This ]
      I take it you work in a office setting or that is what this is aimed at. Robots would be the computers, copiers, faxes and all that other BS. The zombies and prisoners kinda fall into the same place as they are the lower level workers who have to do the sh it jobs and become dazed by mind numbing tasks. The overseers would probably have to be management. And yes I think mondays suck too. ever heard the song "Mondays Suck" its pretty funny, but I wouldn't listen to it at work.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Matthew Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great man. its short and concise yet it has a definite tone, theme and thought. the ending came as a surprise maybe thats why i liked the poem, because of the unexpected conclusion and how the poem holds together. great work! keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by kayel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an ok write. I do think that you could add to it and make it a little more imaginative. Anymore, poems are predictable but this had the good twist at the end. Where do you work?Good write though
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha man, monday's SUCK. Reading this piece amde me smile, because its a monday and like usual I'm hating life.

    Oh well.

    Anyway I loved the idea behind this piece, and with your amazing writing abilities i believe you could definitely extend this and make it into some long tortured tale with a "mondaY' being the ending. But thats only if you're crazy enoguh to do something I suggest, haha.

    Anyway great write!

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
       How true! Monday's are probably one of the closest things to hell. I was waiting for you to submit some more stuff. Looks like you had some humor to vent. Thanks!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    36178

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry