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    dots Submission Name: Hell?dots

    Author: bentnotbroken
    ASL Info:    25+/m/middle of nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 351/260/38
    Words: 29
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 225

       something a little different.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Robots and zombies roam the building.
    Prisoners are escorted to their tortures.
    Overseers crack their whips,
    and the melancholy laborers preform their tasks.
    Not Hell,
    just a typical Monday.

    Submitted on 2004-12-06 07:59:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Excellent job!
    In the few short words used you expressed a very good feeling of a workers life
    You captured the emotion starting a work week perfectly
    Great Write
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha! Oh this is good, very good indeed! Mondays just suck soooo bad and you have done a brilliant job of describing them! You could have gone on and on with this and still probably wouldn't have been any better than it already is! I like that the ending is so unexpected! Catches ya off guard! Good stuff! Take care.

    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      mondays... you gotta love them...
    haha... this is sheer brilliance!
    monday.. hell... perhaps its all the same thing...?
    different is always good... this was good.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good poem but mabey you should try to add a little more to your poems then it might be a little better. Oh and the last line I think should have a period also.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Draco | [ Reply to This ]
      I take it you work in a office setting or that is what this is aimed at. Robots would be the computers, copiers, faxes and all that other BS. The zombies and prisoners kinda fall into the same place as they are the lower level workers who have to do the sh it jobs and become dazed by mind numbing tasks. The overseers would probably have to be management. And yes I think mondays suck too. ever heard the song "Mondays Suck" its pretty funny, but I wouldn't listen to it at work.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Matthew Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great man. its short and concise yet it has a definite tone, theme and thought. the ending came as a surprise maybe thats why i liked the poem, because of the unexpected conclusion and how the poem holds together. great work! keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by kayel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an ok write. I do think that you could add to it and make it a little more imaginative. Anymore, poems are predictable but this had the good twist at the end. Where do you work?Good write though
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha man, monday's SUCK. Reading this piece amde me smile, because its a monday and like usual I'm hating life.

    Oh well.

    Anyway I loved the idea behind this piece, and with your amazing writing abilities i believe you could definitely extend this and make it into some long tortured tale with a "mondaY' being the ending. But thats only if you're crazy enoguh to do something I suggest, haha.

    Anyway great write!

    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
       How true! Monday's are probably one of the closest things to hell. I was waiting for you to submit some more stuff. Looks like you had some humor to vent. Thanks!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]

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