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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blurdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870



    Description:
       I wrote this poem about myself because at the time everyone was trying to read them and I was always getting in trouble. I really hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlurdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She weeps and cries,
    As the tears fall down.
    She's seeking a smile,
    But finds only a frown.

    She sits in a room,
    Where alls cold and dark.
    She falls to the ground,
    On her face there's a mark.

    She looks around,
    To find a mirror.
    She sees herself,
    She sees the tears.

    She feels so alone,
    Like no one's there.
    She wants to scream,
    But, does anybody care?

    There are no friends,
    So she walks alone.
    She says there's no one,
    So she's on her own.

    She longs to die,
    To end her Hell,
    To end her miseries,
    To shout and yell.

    She longs to hear,
    Loving words said to her.
    There's none she remembers,
    Not even a Blur.




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 11:52:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this.. it speaks in waves .. i get the feeling that u once had it all n then lost it..dont let it get to u tho..<3ash keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Contrary to Kayla, I think that the 'mirror' stanza works well, because the fact that it doesn't rhyme means that people will actually stop to read it and not just read along the lines because of the rhyme and flow. I like to see someone else write like I do, with alternate lining, but all these poems about yourself turn out to be saddening, you are seriously ok?

    *this part was done with the edit command, wow, interesting*
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt that, it was almost in a sense simplistic, yet it had a deep meaning, I got the sense of withdrawl from reality. keep up the writing,
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a simple piece, but affects almost every girl out there. Maybe not to the same extent but all girls sit and ponder and cry over how they look, or how alone they are. Being a girl sucks.

    Anyway your rhyme scheme was ok in this piece, but every once in awhile you'd come across somethign that seemed a little forced. And this stanza:

    "She looks around,
    To find a mirror.
    She sees herself,
    She sees the tears."

    Just didnt fit for me, maybe something like.

    She roams around,
    And looks at herself,
    A horrible image
    Lacking any good health.

    Eh, ok MAYBE not that. But the mirror thing didnt work for me. Anyway, good piece:O)

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]


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