Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 999



    Description:
       when i wrote it a lot of people asked, "and make it tonight?" it meant i wish i would die to night. just to help you guys understand because that part confused a lot of people.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfrienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm sitting outside,
    on a starless night,
    making a wish,
    with all my might.
    i wish i would die,
    and make it tonight.
    would it be suicide,
    or would i get in a fight?

    sometimes i want to die,
    sometimes i want to kill.
    i feel like i live,
    all alone on a hill.
    i take one step closer,
    just to feel the thrill.
    i'm closer to the edge,
    i feel the world is still.

    as much as i hate it,
    and as much as i know,
    i want to kill myself,
    and i want it to show.
    when they don't understand,
    i fell i cant go.
    i always feel cold,
    like i'm naked in the snow.

    its cold and dark,
    i creep closer to the edge.
    i know if i let go,
    this will be the end.
    and then from behind,
    a messanger sends,
    "christina please,
    "wont you be my friend"




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 12:04:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love that you have found an outlet to vent and express yourself. i certainly hope you keep up with it and i hope you battle through your issues. because someday i will want to hear you writing about fuzzy bunnies, and little chickadees
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by Charmer | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark, but I'm finding your style a little bit juvenile. Good job with structure and rhyme, in that sense I liked this a lot.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't really like people I know reasonably well writing dark themed poems because it makes me very worried. I hope you haven't got a problem really. Anyway, I liked how you kept the rhyming up throughout, although at some points I think it limits what you are trying to say, eg: "I'm naked in the snow" doesn't really bring anything new to the table but just reinforces what you said beforehand. Anyway, that only happens a couple of times, and for the most part, I thought this was a good write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this but then again i wrote this hi me!
    booo it sucks just kidding self. i don't feel so good this makes me want to barf... why would someone comment on there own work? oh well
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    36209

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry