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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 999



    Description:
       when i wrote it a lot of people asked, "and make it tonight?" it meant i wish i would die to night. just to help you guys understand because that part confused a lot of people.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfrienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm sitting outside,
    on a starless night,
    making a wish,
    with all my might.
    i wish i would die,
    and make it tonight.
    would it be suicide,
    or would i get in a fight?

    sometimes i want to die,
    sometimes i want to kill.
    i feel like i live,
    all alone on a hill.
    i take one step closer,
    just to feel the thrill.
    i'm closer to the edge,
    i feel the world is still.

    as much as i hate it,
    and as much as i know,
    i want to kill myself,
    and i want it to show.
    when they don't understand,
    i fell i cant go.
    i always feel cold,
    like i'm naked in the snow.

    its cold and dark,
    i creep closer to the edge.
    i know if i let go,
    this will be the end.
    and then from behind,
    a messanger sends,
    "christina please,
    "wont you be my friend"




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 12:04:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love that you have found an outlet to vent and express yourself. i certainly hope you keep up with it and i hope you battle through your issues. because someday i will want to hear you writing about fuzzy bunnies, and little chickadees
    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by Charmer | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark, but I'm finding your style a little bit juvenile. Good job with structure and rhyme, in that sense I liked this a lot.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't really like people I know reasonably well writing dark themed poems because it makes me very worried. I hope you haven't got a problem really. Anyway, I liked how you kept the rhyming up throughout, although at some points I think it limits what you are trying to say, eg: "I'm naked in the snow" doesn't really bring anything new to the table but just reinforces what you said beforehand. Anyway, that only happens a couple of times, and for the most part, I thought this was a good write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this but then again i wrote this hi me!
    booo it sucks just kidding self. i don't feel so good this makes me want to barf... why would someone comment on there own work? oh well
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]


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