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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Breathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret moon
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 687/427/57
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1032
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 715



    Description:
       This is sorta my farewell address to the guy that I've like for a year and a half now. My like for him has been peetering out over the last month and on Saturday it officially flew away. . . but already, someone else is rising in my mind. Feel free to suggest. . . that's what I really want. Suggestions. Or advice for life. . . .


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Breathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Finally
    clouds clear

    (your face dissipates
    from what I thought
    was its permanent place
    in my heart-mind-soul)

    I dance free
          Free!
    free from the chains
    that bound me
    for so-long. . . .

    (my heart's devotion to you
    lies strewn across the ground
    smashed to pieces
    slowly but surely, it seeps
    into the thirsty earth
    and away from us)

    Slowly
    my wings exhaust themselves
    and I float
    hungry and lonely
    back down to the coldness of reality

    (I can't live without a Someone)




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 12:29:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the way that you wrote this piece. I have to agree with my_hiroshima' comment that they relate to this poem. Right now I'm going through a similar situation. Like usual your poems jump out at me as different than most that I read on this site. I think you've told me a little about this person who has dissipated from your "heart-mind-soul". I wish you luck with this new someone.

    Your second stanza was what jumped out at me when I read this poem. Having the parenthesis around the stanza...I don't know...gives it kind of a hazy hidden away feeling when reading through this piece. It's like it's there in the poem..but hidden away. Hopefully that made some kind of sense to you.

    I see you have some new stuff posted. I'll have to read through them as well.

    ~Corey
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Orions Fire | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey nice piece, it remindes me of this crush I had for about 2 years on this guy. Then as I started seeing less and less of him I realized I really didn't miss seeing him. Funny how things work out isn't it? Very original, keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by Charlenee | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is a very deep poem. I never thought that anyone could express there emotions the way that you have in this poem. Is this about something that's happend to you before? If it is I know how you feel. I almost fell in love with a real jerk once. We only dated for about two weeks and he decides that he didn't want to date me anymore so he gets a girl to call me and tell me that he didn't think it was going to work out because we never got to see each other. We would have gotten to see each other the night before if he hadn't got himself grounded. I'm glad that I don't have to talk to him or see him anymore. It's sad that he didn't have the balls to tell me himself though that's what really hurt my feelings. I don't think that he was even really grounded I think that he cheated on me with the girl that he got to call me. I think that I might write something about him. It'll make me feel better. Great job. I think that you should keep up the great work. Writing is a very good way to give yourself some relief and it keeps you from getting to stressed out. I hope that you're going to write more poetry and not give up on it like some people do.
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice Job, The honesty of the last line is beautiful and yet kind of sad. You show great strong conviction in realizing that love is a whirlwind of emotion. Good write!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Boys suck. They're stupid and meaningless (No hate mail please). But at the same time where would we be without them.

    Stupid boys.

    Haha, anyway this piece had an interesting format. At first it didnt exactly turn me on because the format kinda resembeled something flaky, but reading into this further I was hooked. I'm happy if you're happy, moving on is the hardest part but the life that comes after it is so much better, trust me:O)

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you poem is really moving. It paints a very good picture with words of the exact feeling you want to describe. I coulnd't agree more with you. Boys, can't live with them, but can't live without them.
    At the beggining you don't really know what's it gonna be about but then, it couln't explain it better! Really nice job!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by rachel gless | [ Reply to This ]


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