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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Organ Musicdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Bijou de Mort
    ASL Info:    16/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.42 - 153/108/24
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1285
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1096



    Description:
       Things aren't always what they seem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOrgan Musicdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Organ Music"
    (2004)
    Bijou de Mort


    What wondrous charm
    Haunts me from
    Absence and
    Torments my soul?

    Freedom from
    Righteousness
    Is the true
    End to pain.
    No holy man
    Daunteth in Truth.
    Sin is the
    Hero of strife
    In an eternal
    Pride.

    In awe of
    Strength is pity, truly.

    Treacherous
    Horrors of
    Ever-lasting faith
    Render the weak and
    Empower the mighty.

    Trampled in
    Hate is the
    Angst of youth:
    Tomorrow never dies.

    Lavender shades and
    Emerald praises
    Arrest their fancies and
    Venture onward,
    Endowed by the
    Spirit of He who lives.

    Yearning and longing
    On the tails of
    Understanding,

    No one
    Obtains justice,
    Truly.

    Against the
    Lonely, I
    Only wonder:
    Neither hope nor peace
    Endeavor their youth?




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 16:54:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm, I wonder if I'm the only one to catch your little riddle we have going on. But still, I dont entirely understand it. are you trying to say thgat all friendships end in this mized up crazy world and no one can truly be happy or accompanied by a friend?

    Or are t throughout all of the crazy and mixed up times?

    By the way, I got the crazy and mized up times from the format of your piece, being one thoguht after another in a question kind of format. Anyway I'd lvoe to talk with you further on this if you could clear thigs up with me:O)

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      The line that caught me: Sin is the
    Hero of strife

    This was good, if you look at the words as a whole. But when it's read out loud, the poem sounds harsh. Your line breaks are kind of interesting, and if the words were strung together differently it might flow better. [how i do loathe critiquing flow]

    Nice job.

    {Katie}
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      organ music... there is a somber feel to this poem... i can almost hear an organ playing in the background but then... i almost want to go so far as to say that the organ music is the cry of a heart (heart being an organ...)
    this write is a quest for truth... for absolutes... for meaning of life and death and everything in between. your use of language is astounding. ive read it three times over now and everytime i read it i see something i never saw the times before... this is a very full write. i am awed at the way you are able to put such thoughts into words... so few words and yet the reader is still able to grasp (however loosely) your message. welcome to the site. im sure gonna be watching out for more of you.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there. Well this is a very well written and well thought out piece. This piece is prone to make the reader really stop to think about what they are reading. Instead of just skimming through. I love it. I wouldn't change a thing.

    "Lavender shades and
    Emerald praises
    Arrest their fancies and
    Venture onward,
    Endowed by the
    Spirit of He who lives."

    Simply beautiful. Much love to ya. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      This stanza
    Against the
    Lonely, I
    Only wonder:
    Neither hope nor peace
    Endeavor their youth?

    reminds me of a piece i just wrote called "an end in time" it talks of youth and what they are doing now. this poem does stop the reader cold with the intriguing emotion that it holds. this piece has really good wording you did a really good job
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      this was pretty darn good work, especially with the image of the organ and the images at the end of the poem. it has some wonderful ideas throughout, and the set-up fits for right now, but i think this poem could go leagues better by adding some more imagery and concrete words. most of the words in this poem are abstract, which makes a poem interesting, but people can take these abstract thoughts in many ways. to make your reader's understand more exactly what you are trying to say, try adding some "concrete" or "tangible" images to the work. simply intertwine between the storyline and you can have a more colorful work while retaining the thought-provoking ideas in this first write. excellent work! keep pouring out those thoughts, i can't wait for more!
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by osweetrepose | [ Reply to This ]
      you write beyond your age. sophisticated, insightful, intuitive are words that come to mind. lavender shades and emerald praises. yeah, i'm jealous and you're talented. I usually find something to criticize, but i dont think i can here.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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