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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: New Loversdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cai
    ASL Info:    17/f/MA
    Elite Ratio:    2.15 - 1162/401/71
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 318
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 591



    Description:
       I know it's corny... but i worked on trying to rhyme... I also feel so happy with my relationship right now, and this is what came to mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNew Loversdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I close my eyes
    We begin to explore
    I'm scared, timid
    Never done this before.

    You lead, I follow
    Unsure what to do
    I don't know your limits
    This is all so new.

    A mysterious love
    Begins to uncover
    Enticing, Alluring
    I need to discover.

    Our lips meet in passion
    We each play our part
    Beautiful and moving
    We're a work of art.

    One last goodbye
    A kiss on the cheek
    The feeling still lingers
    As we part for the week.




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 21:24:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very cute. It's so simple, and yet it says so much. I liked how descriptive it was, with still leaving that mystery. It's one of those poems that could be easily interpreted differently for different people. For some, it could be love, and for others, it could be lust. Great job.

    ~Jaime
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      it's okay to be corny sometimes. this was sweet. the rhyme does feel a bit forced. i think sometimes it works better just to let the words flow without trying to rhyme. sometimes the rhyme just comes but if it doesn't, that's okay. poems don't always have to rhyme. in fact, most of mine don't!

    anyway, i understood the feelings in this one, especially the last line where the feelings linger long after the touch... *sigh*
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this one is not very good but it has potential. Your approach to subject is good, but you should explore it deeper. And rhyming was never a priority for me.
    Keep on writing.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      that was very kool i loved it i understand all of it
    i could not have put it in any better of words you are a very talented writer and i hope you know that
    ~keep it up~
    ununderstood
    or Samantha
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by UNunderStood | [ Reply to This ]
      as somebody once told me..dont worry about being corny..
    totally agree about the " i dont know your limits" part and also the " i need to discover"..nice stuff...simple and clear.
    nice.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by k kin | [ Reply to This ]



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