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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hateful Messagesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UNunderStood
    ASL Info:    16/f/oh
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 79/87/25
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 423



    Description:
       hey if you read this please comment because i don't have clue what people really think of this and i wanna make it better


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHateful Messagesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I get the message in your eyes you don't want me here
    I get the look on your face i dont like you
    I get the unspoken words you wish you can say nobody really cares
    I get the thoughts in your head why is she so weird
    I get the sign of your reactions why is she trying to talk to me
    these are the hateful messages that took my life

    ~please cooment i need some feedback~




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 22:02:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the message... i get the concept... i would have broken it up though. it's good, it's powerful. keep up the good work <3
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the poem and dont think there is anything wrong with the title... i would like to make a suggestion though... however you need to do what you are comfortable with...
    As i read the poem the only line i had trouble with was the second line because it is confusing as to whos expression is on whos face.. if that makes sense ... and i thought it may sound better broken up ..

    I get the message in your eyes
    you don't want me here
    I get the look on your face
    i dont like you
    I get the unspoken words you wish you can ay nobody really cares
    I get the thoughts in your head
    why is she so weird
    I get the sign of your reactions
    why is she trying to talk to me
    these are the hateful messages
    that took my life

    or you could also just change the word get to understand in that line.. but then it wouldnt be the same as the other lines...
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Interresting... if I might make a suggestion though, I think that this piece would have sounded better had you given it a more powerful diction. "Hateful Messages" sounds a little, for lack of a better term, childish... but hey, maybe that's the way you wanted it to sound. Maybe you wanted this piece to have almost a child-like innocence about a very dark subject. Anyways... well done.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, the idea this poem was projecting was very powerful. I agree with Bijou de Mort, it's qutie child like, but with dark intent. It's a decent poem, i'm not going to lie, it's not the best i've ever read, but i do quite like the vibe it sends out, having been there before it makes sense to me. One suggestion, if i may, to prohibt possible confusion, the things peopel say may want to be put in "'. Like i said, it's a good poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea, Yea...Let the others critique your feelings. I actually appreciate the write because it's how you feel. But most of all, your feelings are ones that can be understood and respected. If anything, I hope that you find someone that does the exact opposite than what you wrote.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Ensult | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    36321

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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