I get the message in your eyes you don't want me here
I get the look on your face i dont like you
I get the unspoken words you wish you can say nobody really cares
I get the thoughts in your head why is she so weird
I get the sign of your reactions why is she trying to talk to me
these are the hateful messages that took my life
I like the poem and dont think there is anything wrong with the title... i would like to make a suggestion though... however you need to do what you are comfortable with... As i read the poem the only line i had trouble with was the second line because it is confusing as to whos expression is on whos face.. if that makes sense ... and i thought it may sound better broken up ..
I get the message in your eyes you don't want me here I get the look on your face i dont like you I get the unspoken words you wish you can ay nobody really cares I get the thoughts in your head why is she so weird I get the sign of your reactions why is she trying to talk to me these are the hateful messages that took my life
or you could also just change the word get to understand in that line.. but then it wouldnt be the same as the other lines...
Interresting... if I might make a suggestion though, I think that this piece would have sounded better had you given it a more powerful diction. "Hateful Messages" sounds a little, for lack of a better term, childish... but hey, maybe that's the way you wanted it to sound. Maybe you wanted this piece to have almost a child-like innocence about a very dark subject. Anyways... well done.
Well, the idea this poem was projecting was very powerful. I agree with Bijou de Mort, it's qutie child like, but with dark intent. It's a decent poem, i'm not going to lie, it's not the best i've ever read, but i do quite like the vibe it sends out, having been there before it makes sense to me. One suggestion, if i may, to prohibt possible confusion, the things peopel say may want to be put in "'. Like i said, it's a good poem.
Yea, Yea...Let the others critique your feelings. I actually appreciate the write because it's how you feel. But most of all, your feelings are ones that can be understood and respected. If anything, I hope that you find someone that does the exact opposite than what you wrote.
Submission Name: Hateful Messages
