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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Razordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UNunderStood
    ASL Info:    16/f/oh
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 79/87/25
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 409



    Description:
       please comment...i'm not sure how many people are really going to lik tis so please give me some feedback so i can fix it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRazordots
    -------------------------------------------


    I grab the razor off the shelf
    I shut the door my heart starts to rush..can't think straight,i pull up my sleeve i lay the cold metal on my wrist and then i slit the bright colored pain flows out
    my unique work is unforgetable as the scars
    will tell you so.
    I go numb...
    I don't know how much more cuts this body can take these cuts will soon be my fate..




    Submitted on 2004-12-06 22:12:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok well i too cut so im wont put you down for writing about it b/c i think that writing it down and getting it out is sort of a medicine to help you not do it so much-or it is for me. however...i do have lots a suggestions for your poem...

    I grab the razor off the shelf.
    I close the door as my heart starts to rush.
    Cant think straight...
    I pull up my sleeve-
    and lay the cold metal on my wrist.
    Then slowly I slit.
    Bright colored pain flows out.
    My unique work is unforgettable,
    as my scars will tell you so.
    I go numb...
    How many more cuts-
    can my body take?
    These cuts will soon
    become my fate.

    its only suggestions...not to be mean but i think it was just written a little sloppy but if you revised it then i think it could be better than it already is...
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't like this poem. it's quite cliché and oh woe is me. i will commend you on the fact that you wrote about something that other people might react to by saying "i totally get you!"
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      ...I like the darkness, being a cutter though, it seems to lack some feeling to it. Though it is a decent poem, and could be pleasing to one who doesn't understand cutting, to a person like myself, it seems to lack something. The dail about the pain is quite good, but the real feel of how a knife or blade feels seems lost. It's not a bad poem, the subject is intersting, but i think if oyu added a little more to it, it could be better.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is dark. And for once I truly cannot relate as to y u wud do such a thing. But in a way I understand your feelings behind it. The write itself is fine. The last line is my favorite "I don't know how much cuts this body can take these cuts will soon be my fate..." Good Write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-06 00:00:00 | by Ensult | [ Reply to This ]


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