Description: Hi everyone...
Im going to be really honest in this description so that this writing can be understood. I was (as avid readers of my work would know) abused sexually as a child. As a result I sought love and acceptance through sexual acts as a teenager. I became hardened to feeling anything at all, and I have just recently found someone I really adore. I am hesitant for it to become a sexually reliant relationship, because in my past the sex I have had has been meaningless, and all about being loved for my body, and sexuality rather then for myself. I have handled this entire relationship differently because he actually (unlike the others) means something to me. We have had sex, and I fear that my mind can't deal with connecting love and sex....
Its confusing, I know. For me too!
No Sex. (description EDITED) -------------------------------------------
When we're lying down
we get along.
Dont you think thats weird?
When you touch me...
When my hair is in a tumbled mess
Framing my face.
I'm thinking about only you...
And it doesn't hurt anymore.
Clothes come off.
It leads to sex.
I'm thinking too much.
Please don' t think about it.
You love him,
so just do it.
We have to stop.
I like you.
I don't want you to become a nobody to me.
I always want to be somebody to you.
When we talk...and touch...
I love you. I feel honest.
I feel as though your warm hands are caressing my heart back into beating.
Your gentle lips breath life into me.
But then when the sex starts...
It turns into something else.
It becomes my past.
You become a faceless stranger.
And I become a slut.
I wouldn't normally assume that a first person poem of this nature is about the author, but in this case you have told us that it is. First, it is a poem. I think because you are so close to it, that it would be of little value to talk about how you might write it better. I hope you have let your friend know what you have shared with us all here. If he knows and is still with you, keep him, you have a good one. I am not surprised at what you have said here. It seems quite a normal reaction, given the sad circumstances. I think time will help you heal, but I hope you are getting some help and not trying to heal on your own just yet, and at such a young age yet. Good luck, God bless you, Dave
Sounds like you have issues that have to be dealt with. Another unfortunate side effect of abuse. If this person means so much to you then it for him that you should seek counciling. this problem won't go away by itself. If there is a long term, loving relationship to be had you also owe it to yourself.
i know exactly what your going through! and really you just answered alot of my questions for me...i too was sexually abused when i was younger-twice with 2 different people...then i have become sort of addicted to sex since i grew up...my last ex-when we did it -it never meant anything to me-really i hated to do it but i always wanted more...i never understood why until i read your poem...now im with the love of my life. im still addicted to sex but in a completely different way...its because thats as close to my love as it is possible to get and i can feel his love flow through me...i just want to say thank you for writng this so that i could read it and understand myself why i went through that phase...thanx so much! -sweet
Well. I am just going to offer my thoughts as to my understanding of this poem.
Now, you are saying that you would like to open yourself up to this man, but at the same time, you feel that the object and/or subject of sex takes away from that deeper affiliate, that deeper spiritual connection that you share with him currnetly.
That, by going through the act of sex, there would be an alleviation of that desire to be with him, that 'special-spirituality' (I don't know how else to explain it though. I am sure that you know what I am tryin to say though, The bond, that goes deeper than the physical, deeper than the emotional.
And by having sex with this guy, all of that would be taken away. You want to save that for that special someone, that soulmate, that person that you're prpepared to spend the rest of your life with, or for him, but when you feel the two of you are prepared to join hands in holy matrimony. Just my thoughts. I don't know how accurate they are, but that is what I look, and wait for *smiles*. Take Care.
well this piece is rather intersting. it seems like you want to have relations with this person, but then you dont because you love him to much. the character in this piece is very confused which will leave most readers very confused. the wording and the imagery is really good, but the actual detail and subjects need to stay on track. other than that really good job and i hope you find out whtas best