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    dots Submission Name: my fatherdots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1089


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    dotsmy fatherdots

    I hate my father
    Why do you bother me
    Every time were home alone
    Some hoe would come on over
    I'm not stuttering
    "I hate my father
    Why do you bother me "
    Why do I call you father
    Father is someone
    who takes the responsibilities
    I hope you end up having std's
    It don't matter
    You don't sleep with my mother
    "I hate my father
    Why do you bother me"
    Over and over and over
    I need a lucky glover
    You push me, I push you
    You can't phase me
    All you can is try to catch me
    "I hate my father
    Why do you bother me"

    (father talking)
    I took you under my arm
    So what we live on a farm
    I don't mean any harm
    I hate you
    I deal with a ton

    (son talking)
    So what you deal with a ton
    I got problems of my own
    I swore to not kill you
    You're over the hill
    but still
    I am sorry.

    Submitted on 2004-12-07 10:54:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      hey i like it..but i dont really understand
    'i hate you fater why should you bother"
    bother what? maybe it's just me. i don't like my and my dad we fight all the time sometimes it's painful but i don't hate him,he does some"stuff"
    i dont think fathers should do but hating him isnt going to help it will just take me down with him,i just try to iignore him
    well hey good poem though
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by UNunderStood | [ Reply to This ]
      I saw where you were going, what the poem was about. It was from the heart. But the repeating of
    "I hate my father
    Why should you bother"
    just didn't fit in it to me, and you need to do spell check. Other than that, pretty good.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Dark_Dancer | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, very strong emotions were put into that, i can relate, my best friends dad kicks the [censored] out of him everyday, cheats on his mom, andis an all around tyrant. he is a [censored], It has very deep meaning, look up some poetry by me , and Draco...good write keep up...Solemn Star
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ]
      first off, it really can use some spell check (no hard feelings) second, i can understand where you trying to get at, but you aren't really doing a good job at it. like, i see that you are trying to develop a rhyming scheme...but it sounds forced. how does it sound forced? the words that you rhyme it with, doesnt correspond-and therefore makes the whole thing not make any sense-or little sense at all. *ex: this business about a lucky glover...than you push me, i push you...and then about the farm...i dont know, it gets pretty confusing. sorry i dont mean to sound so harsh. i just thought that i should point out some obvious needs for adjustments. unless its just me. but dont get angry or anything and just give up, because then, nothing is accomplished.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]

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