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    dots Submission Name: .: Can You Feel It :.dots

    Author: Timmy S. Edgar
    ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263/200/71
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots.: Can You Feel It :.dots

    Can you feel it
    Tell me tell me
    Keep you for myself
    As Iím not greedy see

    Feel good feelings
    Rushing over you
    Cause these feelings
    Are consuming me too

    Youíre a lovely person
    Youíre just what I need
    True beauty dispersion
    My loves power take heed

    Iíll tell you now
    If the opportunity is given
    Near you my love I allow
    To your heart my loveís driven

    As when I see you
    It seems so right
    Only thing I want is you
    Held in my armís so tight

    Waited for so long
    My patience has paid
    Your character is so strong
    Together weíve got it made

    Our love is so lovely
    And your heart is so pure
    Youíre my heartís jewel discovery
    Iíve never known love so sure

    Submitted on 2004-12-07 12:51:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i just gotta say YAY FOR YOU!
    like seriously... sounds like all the waiting has paid off... when you could maybe have taken second best coz you were lonely or whatever you didnt and here you are now with (what sounds like) the most amazing girlee you could ever imagine... thats something to be damn yay about!
    and ooo... it sounds like shes sure a lucky girl to have someone who is able to put feelings/emotions into words... i sure hope your telling her all these things you write... yay for you again! ciao for now!
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Our love is so lovely
    And your heart is so pure
    Youíre my heartís jewel discovery
    Iíve never known love so sure

    These lines spoken/written spoke to me most. Reminds me of what my Late Boyfriend (Rest His Peace) said to me the night before he died. Spoke a lot to me. Thanks for posting.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the other here, you force the poem.

    Now your love and passion for this woman came through loud and clear.

    I would suggest re-write,but don't try to make it rhyme
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree this was kind of wierd to read. It didn't make sense in places. Some places the rhyming sounded kind of forced. I think the topic of this was good. You are going somewhere with it. I can sense the emotion. Just kind of hard to read.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like this, but it was kinda weird to read. It didnt seem to flow as nice as it could have. It might just be me - dont get me wrong though, it was still able to keep my attention.

    i did like :
    Waited for so long
    My patience has paid
    Your character is so strong
    Together weíve got it made

    I took it as if patience is a virtue. Having patience is one of the best things you can have and usually the best comes out of it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by sone | [ Reply to This ]

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