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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Granitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solararia
    ASL Info:    30/M/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 309/335/92
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1117
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 411



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGranitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Frost gathers within the letters of her chiseled name.
    The grove reaches skeletal fingers to claw the slate of the sky.
    The air is thick as cement and bears its burdens upon us.

    Life makes but one covenant at birth.
    Nothing more, but nothing less.
    as ash is ash
    as dust is dust

    And there is not enough love in my soul to break that claim.




    Submitted on 2004-12-07 18:00:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ... ...sob.
    Strange enough, I'm at a loss for words. I'm sure it'll pass soon. It sounds like a little song if you say it out loud, almost like a big, beautiful iron bell. And the tintinnabulation is wonderful!

    xox,
    Lackie.
    | Posted on 2007-06-16 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the last line. It is a fundamental fact we all hope we can change, but is really absolute.
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by chemberdan | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know. I really loved this poem - just the feeling it gave me. I like how you made the ending rhyme. There's really nothing I would change about this. It gave me the chills. Very sad, but very beautiful.
    | Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved this! And I adore the ending. I wish I could write free form like that, but I suck at free form. Unfortunately, my muse only ever supplies me with rhyming words - lol. I only ever wrote one free form poem, "Life in a Pumpkin Shell" and I think it was the hardest thing I ever wrote. But I digress....

    I liked the image of the frost gathering in the engraved letters of her name, I could see that very clearly. Made me shiver, thinking I was standing in a graveyard in the middle of winter.

    Your grammar made me smile it's so wonderful, and I let out a contented sigh that finally there was somebody writing some adult poetry on this site. Few things annoy more than poems written in 'internet slang' with words like 'ur' and 'kewl' *shudder* So I am so glad to read something dignified.

    So thank you, for saving my brain from the evil teenagers, and for entertaining me with a very well-written and flawless piece, that should definitely be published somewhere. And no, I'm not just trying to flatter you ;) I always speak the truth. I generally try to include some bit of constructive criticism, but I have absolutely none for this work. I think I could learn a thing or two about writing from just reading your work :) Therefore, I think everyone on this site should read it - lol!

    Cheers, and happy writing!

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-02-06 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      suberb! and that is all i need to say. but let me say i am a fan and writer of spooky depressed poetry. i can see solararia is a gifted poet. i would love for solararia to read some of my stuff and give me solararias thoughts. great poem. i hope you are proad of it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem was greatly worded. It was short, sweet and to the point even though you didn't come right out and say exactly the meaning. You found a wonderful medium. The poem has great flow and creates a wonderful atmosphere(even though its about death).
    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Dearest Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem was greatly worded. It was short, sweet and to the point even though you didn't come right out and say exactly the meaning. You found a wonderful medium. The poem has great flow and creates a wonderful atmosphere(even though its about death).
    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Dearest Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem depicted the feelings dealing with death nicely, and certainly showed the gloomy, cold atmosphere of a cemetary. It harsh to think that the only certainty in the world is that you will die, but it is absolutely true.
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]
      omg... im bawling like a baby... i really am... this is so damn heartbreaking... its so my world...
    birth only makes one covenant... there is only one certainty... death and no love regardless how strong and pure and forever it is can change that though how i wish it could... i really really do... my boy i loved most of all killed himself... i refuse to believe my love wasnt enough but this is what i am left with... exactly what your poem depicts... its so damn heart breaking...
    i like the way you dont spell everything out though... that gives this write more power and the heaviness of this piece... the cement air the smothering effect... god... i really dont want this to be a for real experience in your world... take care of you
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there dear. Well well. I love this. It's very simple, yet there is a lot of emotion and thought in this. Wonderful job. I can't think of any corrections or anything of the sort. I wouldn't change a thing. Much love to ya.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not shure where this was going I felt lost,I think the thought you had was intresting but not complete. You have good thought different form.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      awesome ending, bravo
    The whole poem is great, Its one of the best poem I have ever read about a lost of someone.

    My suggestion would be for you to continue to write.
    | Posted on 2004-12-07 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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